The three of us!

My Valentine!

2012-02-13T11:03:00.000-08:00

I met my love Justin living at Campus Plaza. Our apartments were good friends, but that isn't where I really got to know Justin. I met Justin when he waved at me in an institute class. We began walking together to and from the institute and we instantly became good friends. We've been together ever since. Prior to my coming to BYU I wanted more than anything to be loved by someone. Justin was most definitely a direct answer to those many tear filled prayers.

Our journey has not been an easy one, it has been filled with loss, distance, and college. But one that thing that has remained has been our love for one another. I was going back through a letter Justin wrote to me near valentines day after being on his mission for almost a year. He said, "Kelly Leah I have a wonderful feeling of love and peace over me at this time. I pray with all my heart that it may carry to you now. I pray that you feel it too. I love you!" I can remember the feelings I had being so far from him. And how truly I hang on to those words so much.

Being away from each other for two years was truly the most difficult thing I could imagine. Being told over and over again that it would not last. But I knew something that no one else did, that Justin was meant for me, and that he was to be my Eternal Companion. Through so many lonely nights, and so many love letters, he came home to my arms and has never left me since! My heart is truly overfilled with love as I think of these hard times, and what kept me going. I looked forward to checking the mail everyday, and many days no letter would come, but when one did, I read it over and over and over again. I knew that our love was something special. And that has been proven to me over and over again as well.

Justin returned home from our mission on May 10, 2007 and we were married just 4 weeks later on June 16, 2007 for all eternity. Nothing has ever given me so much joy in my life as my memories of walking in to the Sealing Room with loved ones all around me, and then kneeling looking at my love that had been gone from me for so long. Truly the feelings of the eternities were never so real to me as it was when I looked into his eyes.

Being sealed to my Justin for time and all eternity has been the greatest source of joy. Not to say we haven't had our hard days like any marriage, but I love him, and I want to always be with him.

I can't imagine anyone so kind hearted, and so patient as my sweet Justin. I do have a strong personality and trust issues, but Justin has shown me that love conquers all, and that a sweet loving voice fends off all evil.

To my love on this day before Valentine's Day, I want more than anything to tell you that I love you! Thank you for giving me 7 years of joy, and 5 years of eternal promises! I look forward to the rest of our lives together both here on Earth and the Life to come. Though life is hard at times, I wouldn't trade our lives together for anything. Thank you for always loving me, and being there for me! You are my everything! I love you!

February is a month of highs!

2012-02-13T10:40:00.001-08:00

Isn't this amazing?! Justin wasn't even nearly done, and it looks so good! I am so proud of him! He truly is doing so well in school and is loving his restorative class! He is going to do so well in this profession and I am excited to see him flourish! He hopes that maybe one day this is something he can be known for as a funeral director, his ability to sculpt and reconstruct someone's face or hair so that their family can see them once more as they remember them. He is so talented!

In other fun news, this is Lylia dressing up as tinker bell with all her beautiful jewels! She is so sweet and truly makes me so happy to be around. I wish I took more time to sit still and enjoy her company. I am trying to take it slower this week knowing that my one on one time with Lylia will soon be much more limited, but I still don't have enough hours in the day to enjoy this sweet little girl!

Each morning she wakes up, comes in and snuggles in bed with me. The first thing she always asks is, "Where is daddy?" She loves Justin so much and we miss him a lot, but we are so proud of all the hard work he is doing for our family!

Lately our favorite things to make as a family at night when Justin is home, are smoothies! Lylia just waits all day so she can make them with daddy! Well we went to the store to buy some ingredients for our next smoothie and we come to the bananas and Lylia grabs them from me, starts to pet them and says, "Oh bananas how I've missed you!" I was cracking up. So funny!

Lylia loves to stay in her jammies all day. I usually have to bribe her to get out of them. And once nap time comes she asks to go right back in them. lol. I am glad it is just a stage.

Well going to the doctor last week gave us great hopes that our sweet new baby may come on her own, and that I won't need to have a scheduled c section after all. So far she hasn't shown up, but I hope she does all on her own. Lylia keeps talking to her and telling her that she is really fun to play with, and has lots of things to teach her, if only she would come out of my tummy. Lylia is going to love being a big sister, and we are so thrilled for her to be a big sister.

Preschool is going well, I had to take a break last week because I was getting so nervous the baby was going to come and I still had some stuff to do. But this week it is starting up again tomorrow. She keeps asking about it, which makes me so happy! I guess I am doing a good job.

Justin still is busy with his 20 credits this semester, which is crazy, along with his practically full time work schedule. Personally I don't know how he does it and manages to stay so positive, but I think he just hasn't had time to realize how hard it is. I am so proud of him!

Until our next post...Cute baby pictures to come!

A few random moments

2012-02-06T05:57:00.000-08:00

A picture of Lylia and I taken probably two weeks ago.

Justin started his restorative art class which he loves! What I love is that he gets to do homework while spending time with me watching a movie or something on tv. We haven't had that kind of luxury in sometime so it has been really nice! Although I still laugh whenever he shows me a nose and asks me what I think. lol. It has been interesting to learn about how they have a rhythm and a reason to it. I haven't found an ear on my table yet, and I am glad because although I would figure out that it is fake, his sculptures really do look realistic. I'll have to take a picture of his next one.

Lylia has been busy with preschool. The first two weeks went great! Everyday she asked for a special project, so I've had to be a bit more creative. I think this week Lylia gets a baking lesson. We cook together all the time, but this time I think I will make it more like a lesson. She is getting so good at cutting, pasting things, coloring in the lines, tracing things and she loves to paint! If she could paint everyday this little girl would! I'm just not sure I can handle it everyday. She hasn't gotten any anywhere but I still like to limit it.

Apple stamping! A must when you are learning about the letter A!

We also talk about the weather everyday too! This was one crazy morning of weather, we had a little bit of sun, clouds, rain and snow. The weather here has been very out of the ordinary. Usually it is just bitter cold, but last week we had two days in which we went to the park in sweatshirts.

We are only 11 days away from our due date of February 17th, and if she doesn't come on her own, I'll be getting a c-section on the 19th. I am getting so excited and nervous all at the same time. I know it will be hard at times, but I am excited to have two little girls to love! It is truly so hard to imagine loving someone as much as I love Lylia. If you ask Lylia what we should name the baby she says "Pickle" "Sandwich" "Twila" and "Easter Bunny." As you can see she will have no part in naming the baby! We still don't have a name picked out, but we have a little list that we plan on taking to the hospital and seeing which name we thinks fits her best. We will post pictures of our little girl when she arrives!

First day of Home Preschool

2012-01-23T06:54:00.000-08:00

It lasted about an hour and forty-five minutes, which I have to say I am proud of. I really didn't know how well Lylia would last, but luckily she enjoyed most of it. I think she was waiting for a big wow moment, and when it didn't come she was a little disappointed. We had a break down at one point. But I am having a good idea of where Lylia stands as far as what she knows, and feel that she is doing great. Here are some pictures from our first Preschool day!

Where in the world have we been?!

2012-01-17T11:47:00.000-08:00

Well we didn't go on any fabulous trips last week, no, even better we got to stay home!!! After working a week at financial aid, which was pretty funny actually, I finally could be home! Our first two days of being home (Lylia and I) were home sick. I was sick with an infection and Lylia had a weird virus. But snuggling and not having to worry about calling out sick with repercussions was wonderful! So I've been cleaning, organizing and getting ready for our new baby girl coming in just 4 1/2 weeks!
What might you ask was so funny about my last week at work, was that I was so happy that I kept getting talked to that I was too happy, and I didn't care. I just continued on being happy and thought what a depressing place to work! lol. I also helped out loads of students before I left and got to pass some on to my supervisor who complained that I was being too helpful. Pretty much I wanted to leave on a good note, and I did!
So you can look at my finishedprojects.blogspot.com for more pictures of actual projects. I am still in the process on all of my projects so final picture will come in a few days. But life is good!
Last week we had a miracle. Our car has been having issues for months, and finally after insisting that they keep our car until it was fixed resulted in them finally figuring out what was wrong. We felt our prayers had been answered when we were called and told that the $1200 repair would be covered for us by the dealership. They didn't have to for any reason, but I sincerely felt it was a direct blessing for paying our tithing this month. We wrote a nice thank you card, and picked our car up last night, and it was been perfect!!! knock on wood!
Also two weeks ago I had a gift certificate for babiesrus we got on black friday for spending $75 we got a $10 gift card (coupon found in a happy meal weeks ago). So Justin and I took advantage of Lylia being at my mom's for a week so we could save on childcare and we went and got some stuff we still needed for the baby. I've been trying to decide on a double stroller for a while, and still haven't decided, but we walked in and saw this beauty on clearance for $30 with an additional percentage off that made it like $23 plus our $10 gift card, it was only $13 brand new! The box had been damaged and it was the only reason it was on clearance. Normal retail value $90! I am so glad we got it!

Our car seat works beautifully on it!

Here are some pictures of Lylia opening presents when she got home!

And lastly Lylia in her beautiful Christmas Dress!

A day away and overfilled with Joy!

2012-01-05T08:41:00.001-08:00

I had to write a short post about how happy I am about how tomorrow is my last day at the worst job to date! I am beyond thrilled!!! Justin was so stressed last night, and I was so happy that I could say, "It will be okay, things are finally going to change around here." What will change do you ask, well money will be tighter, but it will totally be okay! I will be able to cook healthy meals again and not just cereal or whatever can be cooked in my crockpot at a moments notice. The house will finally feel clean again! Laundry will be done more than ever other week. Lylia will finally have quality mommy time that has sights of fun preschool activities! I know that adding another baby will be work, and stressful at first and maybe for the next few months, but seriously its not financial aid, and to me nothing could be as bad! Justin can study without feeling like he isn't spending time with us, because the only time WE all had before was from 7:30 to bedtime. Now we can make our short time with daddy better time, rather than feeling like we are all just trying to survive. Seriously survival mode sucks! I hate getting home to only feel like I am still running around. Now I'll be home all the time! I can freely give my babies as many kisses as I want because I will be around them all the time!
Sorry but today I am feeling pretty awesome! Ask me again in two months and we shall see, but at least today I am in a good mood! lol.

Christmas and the New Year!

2012-01-04T05:36:00.000-08:00

Justin and I decided that due to being put on bed rest for a week, that I should go to my mom's house because Justin's couldn't stay home to help me and watch Lylia due to work and school, so Lylia and I headed to my mom's house a week early. And I am so glad we did! I am so thankful for my mom and step dad! They are so patient and helpful! Couldn't have done it without them. Christmas just doesn't feel like Christmas without our family tradition of crabs and shrimp on Christmas Eve and then Amish ham on Christmas Day! Both nights of food were AMAZING!!! Oh boy I have missed both fresh good seafood and real Amish Ham.
So here is our Lylia with an Amish pretzel at Amish Market. You can't go to Amish market without having their amazing pretzels. Oh boy I want another one just thinking about it. This was one of my first outings breaking bed rest rules, but I had to. Going to Amish market is one of my favorite childhood memories. The smell the atmosphere, and I love how they are so Christian and so kind. That and everything is so fresh and looks amazing! It was busy but not as packed as it has been in the past!

I also can't go home without going to my favorite Chinese Restaurant. Oh China Dragon! Nothing compares! Lylia loved it and had three plates full. Yep three!!! I use to go here on a regular basis with friends in high School. I am so glad they are still here!

So Jennifer decided that on New Years Eve we should have a blast and play minute to win it. Well we laughed so hard that a few of us threw up but it was so much fun! We have decided to do it every year! This is my mom shaking ping pong balls out of a kleenex box. She wasn't successful.

Bryan and Gordon fishing for candy canes. Bryan conquered!

Lylia loved being around so many aunts, uncles and cousins. This is Lylia doing a handstand on Levi's hands with Jenny watching to make sure he doesn't drop her! Sydney was Lylia's favorite little friend and was so sad when she went home.

And lastly Lylia in my mom's bubble bath tub with her cousin Maddy! Oh she loved it! Although very painful for my ribs, I really didn't want to leave home. It was so nice to be home. We missed Justin for most of our trip but he did come down for three days. We didn't take really any pictures on Christmas because we facetimed with Justin so he could watch Lylia on Christmas morning. But she still has Christmas presents to open when she gets home. She is one spoiled girl and she totally deserves it! So excited for next Christmas because we will have two munchkins instead of one. 6 weeks and counting!

Jesus Christ and Christmas

2011-12-22T14:30:00.000-08:00

For those of you who want to read a fluffy post skip the beginning and middle and skip right to the end...lol.

For the past few weeks we have spent hundreds of dollars on insta care, er visits, and prescriptions and my medical patience is wearing thin. I have pulled muscles in my ribs and back and broke several ribs. It has been beyond painful. I have reinjured myself 3 times, and have been scolded by work for being sick with bronchitis and pneumonia for well over a month, and now being scolded for having broken ribs and pulled muscles. I have people left and right comparing their sickness with my own telling me that I am exaggerating or simply it could not be that painful all the time. I have been treated awful by work, been made to feel awful about taking sick time and vacation time because of it. I have been put on probation because of it, and made to work when others don't because of it. Money has been its normal tight self and this medical stuff that was not expected just makes things even tighter. On Monday I had my hand a bit pushed to put my notice in, and there are people out there who have the gall to say that it wasn't necessary or that I should have lasted longer or that it couldn't possibly be that bad. Or that how could I think to do such a thing at a time that is already tight. Well the decision was not made lightly. After much prayer and months of crying and weeks of pain and constant tears, I choose me for once. I choose to allow myself the right to get better. My body for a month now has been so tired so sick, and it is because I haven't had the time to take care of myself or my family. I don't ask for help unless it is needed and I don't rest until I know my loved ones are cared for.

I have been watching Justin and I struggle from a third persons perspective. Our schedule for the past few months has been to where we all wake up at 6:30 Justin drops lylia of at daycare heads to school then to work, then he gets home at 7:30to then study past 2am at times. I go to work,ride the bus for a half hour to then get the car to sit in traffic for 30 minutes to be the last parent to pick up their child from daycare at 6:30. To then go home make dinner, and try and get everything else done if I am feeling well. Go to bed, and start all over the next day. Life was void of any joy for months. Survival mode is an understatement. I can't think of many times I fell asleep at the same time as Justin. And things like grocery shopping was done late at night, and laundry piled up until Sunday because either justin or I had to work on saturday. The simple life pleasures of all going to church together is a thing of the past. Or having dinner together doesn't happen more than once a week, and being able to schedule doctors appointments has to be done in the evenings which results in missed meals and guilty feelings that Lylia just doesn't ever get time to be loved and played with.

So when I think of this selfish thing I have done in quitting my job I have to say that I am glad I choose to do it and feel it is the farthest thing from selfish. I thank heavenly father who knows my plan better than me and knows that I would not quit or give in until I simply could not go any further. Do I think I have failed the test, no I think I finally am doing what I should have done weeks ago. I felt a prompting several weeks ago that i should quit my job but dismissed it because financially that made no sense. But now I see that I may have avoided this all had I listened.

I look forward to being home with Lylia, to cook dinner, do laundry and clean, and play with her. There are seriously so many things that were being sacrificed that won't need to be anymore.

So today I realize that through trials what I have found was my Savior Jesus Christ. When crying in the er bed all alone wishing I didn't have to go through this I have found the comforter telling me just a little longer, just a little further, and it will be worth it. This is my 2nd day of bed rest and I was feeling so sad that Justin would not be with us on Christmas. Feeling that it was adding pain to the already existing pain in my heart,but I hold onto those feelings of, just a little longer, just a little further. I know my Savior lives and loves me. I Know my Heavenly Father loves me and is keenly aware of my little family in Pittsburgh. This moment is the closest I have felt to the Christmas spirit, and have finally found again this year my Savior. I am thankful for the pain and tears, I am thankful for my Savior. And I know that because I am following the Spirit that everything somehow will be for our good and we will make it. Many of my loved ones both family and friends are going through their own trials and I hope you find in your trials the love of our Savior as I have.

Merry Christmas!

Ribs...who needs them?!

2011-12-15T08:35:00.000-08:00

So on Friday while waiting for my lunch to cook, I was coughing which I have been doing for about a month now, and heard a pop pop and couldn't breath. I went and spoke to my supervisor and told her I felt that I needed to go to Insta Care. I left and went, and was told that I had broken some ribs and had broncitus as well. I couldn't believe how much pain I was in. I could hardly move sit cough or anything without being stricken with immense amount of pain. My mom was wonderful and came up to help me out. I wouldn't have been able to do it without her. Saturday and Sunday was major relaxing days. Just took meds and tried not to cough as it hurt so badly. Then I went to a doctor on Monday who excused me from work until today. I am so glad because one, my body totoally needed it, but also because I appreciated spending time with my mom, and being allowed to let my body rest for a bit. I was so sick and had tried to ignore it for weeks, and then finally being able to be sick was exactly what the doctor ordered. My cough is already getting better. Although not healed, my ribs are not nearly as painful as they were on Friday. I truly wouldn't have enjoyed the time off at all, had it not been for my mom who was my friend and mentor. Thank you Mom!!!

Justin's first Work Holiday Party!

2011-12-04T06:38:00.000-08:00

Justin works at Ralph Schugar Funeral Home in Pittsburgh, and although he doesn't like that he doesn't get paid what we feel he is worth, we are still so grateful for the blessings that this job renders to our family. It is in walking distance to Justin's school, and is fairly close to where I work; and on those days where I miss my bus, this is invaluable. We are also thankful for what opportunities this is opening to us. When looking for an internship this is going to be an important part of his resume. So anyway they invited Justin and I to go to the Pittsburgh Funeral Directors Holiday Party. We didn't really know what to expect other than it was going to be a black tie dinner at a nice restaurant. Well we took our $6 for the valet like we had been instructed and when we drove up, we were thinking that maybe the $6 wasn't enough. lol. We walked in and they checked my coat in, and it was so gorgeous! It overlooked the point of Pittsburgh which is where the two rivers come together to form the Ohio river. It truly is one of the most beautiful cities with all of the bridges. Well it was a clear night and so the view was spectacular. I guess it is a $70 a plate dinner event, so we were fortunate to be invited for free. They had drinks, appetizers, yummy Filet Mignon for dinner, and this really great Cinnamon and nut crusted Ice cream with sauce. They had dancing which was so fun! We had our two slow songs, and it just felt so nice to feel like we belonged. I didn't feel out of place at all, but rather it made us excited for what the future holds for us. Justin and I truly feel like this is where we are meant to be at this point in our lives, and that is truly what brings us happiness in all the chaos, and humbling experiences.

The trees in the front entry way were beautiful! It made it feel like Christmas with all the decorations and it was just a really nice romantic date! Probably one of the last ones we may go on for some time, so I tried to enjoy every minute!

The reveal!

2011-12-04T06:03:00.000-08:00

Before!

After!

During!

I loved this tray and saw something on Pinterest of someone who used it for hanging picutres, and loved the vintage feel of it, and for only $2 at local thrift felt I couldn't pass it up. Little did I think about it though that it wouldn't be magnetic so I just used super powerful magnets and used them on the front and then some one the back. Works beautifully! Also I saw on etsy some beautiful magnets used out of buttons. So on Black Friday I took advantage of the buy one get one free, and made some button magnets! Also I need more family pictures. Want to have a picture of grandparents and great grandparents so Lylia and the baby can know their genealogy. This is very important to me.

I loved these curtains at Ikea, they made me feel light and happy. We got the tie backs from Babies r us for only $4 and they also make it feel more open in their small room!

I liked these little shelves from Target. For only $20 I got two and that is the cheapest I have found!

My mom did some vinyl for us and we wanted to go with a tinker bell theme and princess theme! Thank you mom, we love them!

I never, and I mean never, thought I would do cloth diapers. But I am eating my words! I decided to convert and hopefully save our family loads of money on diapers for the next two years! Since we have our own washer and dryer now, I decided it couldn't be as painful as it would have been prior to us not having a washer and dryer.

Found this little mobile from Ikea as well. It was only $4 I think so I think it matches the tinker bell theme. If you haven't seen the new movies you have to. We love them!

Lylia's side of the room! On my list of projects is a quilt for Lylia in purples and pinks since those are here favorite colors right now.

This is by far one of my favorite vinyls! Lylia loves to spell her name and loves that it is on a castle! Thank you mom!

For Christmas Lylia is getting a kitchen we found on Black Friday. It is going to replace were this shelf is, and so we have to think of a good way to put her puzzles, and her books. Well thanks to an inspiring friend Alicia, we will be changing this out for spice racks on the wall to hold her books, and a puzzle organizer to go on her little clothes dresser that I didn't take pictures of! I am very excited about it!

So there you go! Our beautiful new girls room!!!

If you are wondering why we still refer to it as Lylia's room and the babies room is because we don't have a name for our new arrival. With Lylia we didn't have the name picked out until a day or so before we left the hospital. And it wasn't even on our list of maybe's. So with this little one we have a few names we like, but nothing that we are for sure about until we see her! But I do have to say that there are two names I am leaning towards but I can't think of a cute enough nicknames to go with them. So if we come up with the babies name before we see her, we will share it with you, but knowing Justin and I we will wait until she is in our arms! Only 11 weeks to go!

The Perfect Christmas Tree

2011-11-30T08:11:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the tiny pictures! They look wierd when I blow them up, so just click on them.

We decided to go and get our christmas tree while my mom and step dad were here! We had to drive 40 minutes away which as you can imagine Gordon loved. But it was so much fun! We got to ride a tractor out to the tree fields, and then we got to search for just the right tree!

Us looking for just the right one!

Justin's first tree cutting experience.

Lylia helping daddy!

Justin on the trailor with our tree! The weather was beautiful!

Our Family with our perfect Pittsburgh Tree! Love traditions and this was one of my favorites!

All too cliche

2011-11-21T05:29:00.000-08:00

What is the point of loving a holiday if I don't give into one of the cliche things of this holiday, Giving Thanks! So here is my list.

1.Thankful to be married to my sweetheart Justin. Who never tires of rubing my feet, neck and back.

2. Thankful for my Lylia for always smiling and helping me to remember the important things in life.

3. Thankful we only have one year of school left!

4. Parents who are always willing to help us out.

5. A job that provides for my family.

6. Good health, and great health insurance.

7. For our sweet baby girl on the way! She is my official excuse to be a stay at home mom!

8. The opportunity to read the Book of Mormon on my way to work.

9. To live in a place that makes me smile! No cinder block walls, and lots of beautiful trees!

10. A dependable car!

11. Heavenly Father's Tender Mercies

There are many other things that I could write thanks for, but I think these are the ones I think about on a more regular basis.

Family Home Evening...The tent of our Fathers!

2011-11-15T07:16:00.000-08:00

So the other night was Family Home Evening for us. We usually do it on Sunday evenings now because that is the least stressful time of the week, and where Justin gets out of work early, and we can have a nice family dinner and then relax together in the evening. So I was in charge of the whole thing. We got a crib mattress delivered to us by amazon the other day, and this inspired my FHE idea!

We first started in the tent of our Fathers! Like Lehi's tent!

Then Lylia was commanded to find the golden plates and to find tools to make a boat. Justin was commanded to find something to make a boat out of! And then we all were commanded to build a boat together so that we could be lead to the promised land!

Lylia and Justin had a fun time figuring out the sail, and with Lylia's help of finding the elmo sail, we were able to make it to the promised land of milk and cookies. I mean milk and honey. lol.

She just wanted to go for rides in the boat for the rest of the night. We even had a fake storm that we all had to repent and then the storm went away!

We have deemed this as one of the most fun Family Home Evening nights yet! Justin try and beat that! lol.

A sneak Preview!

2011-11-15T07:05:00.000-08:00

So for those of you that don't know this about me, I love before and afters! Who doesn't!!? I love when things turn out more polished and put together. My sister pretty much brought this out of me, with her many inspiring projects.
So you saw this crib a week or so ago, and here are a few updated pictures. I don't have everything remotely close to being done, but I thought I would post a small preview of the crib that I painted. It is coming together, but there are still a few little projects I am waiting to finish before I want to post the big reveal!

I am super excited with how everything is coming together though! I must already be nesting!

The first step priming! Oh and to answer Alicia's question, so I don't feel confident in painting either, so I called my sister who is. She suggested this primer that can be put on anything. It was kind of a pain on this surface because it was like fake plastic. After three coats I finally felt I could move onto the real paint color. Then we saw that Sherwin Williams had an amazing sale, and bought paint there. It also had three coats. It was water based I guess, whereas the primer we used was oil based. All I know is that I asked the guys at the paint shop that it was going to be used on a crib and that is what they suggested over the oil primer.

Justin and Lylia putting the crib together!

Don't you love the sneak peak of the vinyl?! I love it!!!

My smart Lylia!

2011-11-15T07:03:00.000-08:00

So I was on the computer the other day working on our budget and Lylia was at her little table drawing. I heard her spelling her name and then she said mom look what I can do. I turned around and saw this!

Lylia knows how to spell her name!!!!

Four Posts in one night!

2011-11-06T20:25:00.000-08:00

Wow, I've never felt so accomplished on my blog! lol. Here is one last project I wanted to post pictures of. While visiting my mom in September we went to a quilt shop where she bought me this kit, and I've been wanting to work on it so I can one, have a wreath for Christmas, and two because I really shouldn't buy more projects. I have way too many as it is! But I finished it this morning! PS I really should learn how to use my point and shoot camera better because these pictures are awful!

A lot more time consuming than I thought for some reason!

You fill these with Poly Fill then hand sew closed!

Arrange around ring!

And voila!

Crib special

2011-11-06T20:18:00.000-08:00

I found a crib on craigslist for $50 and so we decided to get it and paint it. Justin helped me to prime it! It took me until 2 days ago to decide what the final paint color would be. I'll post pictures of it when it is all done! I love it though, and it is going to fit in with Lylia's room too!

Look at the crazy weather we had while I was inside painting!

Me and my Lylia! She was so excited to wake up to snow falling! She was most eager to play in it. This was the storm that knocked everyone on the East Coast out of power for a week! We just got a little dusting.

Pumpkin Patch

2011-11-06T20:05:00.000-08:00

Justin & Lylia went on a daddy daughter date to the Pumpkin patch a few weeks back. This is one of my favorite family traditions, but due to our busy work schedules, I had to work on this Saturday, and Justin had to work all the other days. So we decided that Justin and Lylia would go on a special daddy daughter date. The traffic there was awful, but they finally made it and had so much fun!

They had a cider demonstration!

Lylia found her perfect pumpkin!

Have you ever seen such smiles?! I think not!

More Halloween Pictures

2011-11-06T19:50:00.000-08:00

These are some Halloween pictures I had on our home computer, and for once in a few months I got on our home computer to post pictures from home!

Lylia was a mermaid for Halloween, and we loved that everyone recognized her! These are some pictures of her at the Halloween Party for our church. We've never been to a ward function so well attended. There were well over 100 people!

We were pretty busy this year, and all we had time to really do was for Lylia to paint the pumpkin that she and Justin got from the Pumpkin patch a few weeks ago!

Can you guess what Justin is making? That is right we are now officially the weirdest people you know! lol. Justin loved making his own coffin out of cardboard boxes and brown paper!

If only he had all the money in the world, I think he would have made a real one, and don't be surprised if in a few years time we have a real one that is used for Halloween! He pretty much would have kept it had it not taken up so much room!

President's Office

2011-11-03T10:30:00.000-07:00

So at work yesterday we were informed that this Friday there was going to be a special event held in our office and that due to this we would have to vacate the building for a period of the day.
Well in course of my day I was covering our front desk. Some people came in that appeared to work for the university and started examining our furniture, and asked if they could measure the bookself that was located behind where I was sitting. She introduced herself as, "I'm Carol I am from the office of the President." I didn't really know what that meant, but her demenor was to not ask questions but simply say okay. So I did. Well they mentioned they may take the shelf out of the office, and so I figured I should say something to my bosses assistant in case they didn't know. So I sent a simple e-mail explaining what was said and who said it.
Well 20 minutes goes by then Debbie comes out demands I talk to her and gets my friend to cover the front desk for me. Then immediately says with a mean tone, that I should have e-mailed her directly and what was this about anyway. So I stated my conversation I had, had with Carol, and then she said, "Kelly there is NO Presidents office here only a Chancellors Office. So you are wrong. Who is this person. You should have gotten more information, this is unacceptable." And wouldn't let me explain it any further she just walked away.
I walked away thinking to myself that I know that I had not heard her incorrectly and I didn't know why I was getting yelled at for simply letting them know about it. But I tried to just forget about it.
Well today I found out that Vice President Biden is coming to speak in our building tomorrow. Then I started to think of this incident and thought, I WAS RIGHT! She was from the Presidents office just not the schools Presidents Office. Oh even though I know she will never apologize to me, it makes me crack up laughing! She is always looking for something to yell at me about, but what I love is that it is something I was actually right about. Hmmm....Just had to share that. So funny!

Special Grandma Cathy

2011-11-03T05:49:00.000-07:00

Cathy is Justin's mother who passed away shortly before Justin left on his mission. Before she passed I was able to spend some time with her off and on, and knew from the first time I met her that she was most beloved by our Heavenly Father. I had a few special experiences with Cathy shortly before she passed that are dear to me, and very sacred in nature, so I won't share them, but I will say that I do not doubt that she is near, and watching over my Lylia when I am not around. When Justin was on his mission and I would ache for him, and worry over him, I would pray that someone would watch over and be near him always, and without delay the Spirit told me that Justin was being watched and loved for by Cathy. My mind would always be put to ease and I knew it was true.

I love hearing Justin tell me about things that he thinks we are similar. Such as he loved when he would come home and find her sewing and he would sit and talk with her. He loves how I will be like that for our kids. Justin also loves that I buy him rootbeer and icecream just like his mom use to so he could make Rootbeer floats. There are many things that Cathy did that I am no where near as good at, but I am glad we have things in common.

We want Lylia to know all of her grandparents especially the ones that aren't near us. We talk about all her grandparents at one time or the other, but several months ago we were explaining to her about her Special Grandma Cathy, and how she lives in Heaven with Heavenly Father. Justin loves to sing songs that she use to sing to him, and he loves to play with Lylia like Cathy did with him.

The other day I was making dinner, and setting the table, and Lylia had just requested from daddy a fresh cup of chocolate milk in which she was more than excited to drink all up. Well as I continued to set the table, she saw the rootbeer come out of the fridge and I could tell she was thinking about it. A few minutes go by and she comes in from the other room and says, "Mommy do you know what Special Grandma Cathy said I could have?" I said, "What is that?" She said, "Special Grandma Cathy said that I could have rootbeer and chocolate milk for dinner!" I said, "Well I guess we better do it then."

I told Justin and we were talking about it, and how she very well could have told Lylia that. As we know she is near. So lucky to Lylia that we doubt not that Special Grandma is just watching out for her and making sure she gets the rootbeer that she use to give to Justin. But I think Lylia may start to use it for her advantage. She is after all that smart. Just wanted to write down this memory because Justin and I loved it so much.

Halloween!

2011-11-01T05:03:00.001-07:00

So Lylia was a mermaid for Halloween, we just happened to find this costume on craigslist for $8, and with a little sewing adjustments it fit her perfectly. I picked Lylia up from school and gave her the option of just going home or going trick or treating. She choose the later of course. So I guess we just happen to live a block away from the best place to trick or treat in all of Pittsburgh. It was pretty great. There were so many kids. What they do here for trick or treating is that each city has hours in which kids can trick or treat. For Pittsburgh it was from 5:30 to 7:30. So we were out for an hour before Lylia said she was cold and done. It was 45 degrees and it was raining, so I am surprised she lasted as long as she did. Here are some pictures!

There was one house that had a bowl of candy sitting out and so I told her to grab a piece and as she did the little hand in the bowl went down, and she was so scared. Other than that she had a great time, and was so incredibly sweet and would say thank you and Happy Halloween every time she would get a piece of candy. The only thing missing from our night was Justin. He had to work unfortunately.

Lylia also went trick or treating at her pre-school today and got a huge bag full. Justin asked me last night, "Is it unethical to steal a piece from her bag?" lol. Love my duckies!

Best Sister Ever!!!

2011-10-25T10:14:00.000-07:00

This is my sister Jennifer! And today she did something that was not only the sweetest thing ever, but hilarious too!

I tried to send pictures of it to myself on e-mail but it didn't work. But if it does I'll post the pictures on here.

She sent me an edible arrangement posing to be a mother of a student, stating that never before had she seen such customer service and had it delivered to my work! Everyone saw it and I couldn't figure out for several minutes who it could be from. Then something I saw on Facebook clued me in. Jennifer's status said, "I just did something that was sneaky and fun." or somthing like that. I even considered writing on her status, I hope it envolves me, but thought that is stupid. And it ended up being about me. So anyway my boss saw it and had this smug look on her face. It was pretty much priceless. Everyone else said, they had never received anything from a student, and one even said, you are rather nice to students. lol.

So thanks to a sister who made my day!!! It seriously was the best! PS I didn't tell anyone the truth because for most of it I didn't know it was her. And everyone should be made to feel good anyway!

Smokers Annyonamous

2011-10-25T08:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was eventful after all with my boss and the smoking thing. I won't go into much detail because well I actually don't care anymore about the details. I have been praying and hoping that work would change, but then realized that the change needed to come in me. Not that I was treating people poorly but rather I was letting it get too personal and I wasn't able to just let things slide off my back. Well last week my boss was going to see her soon to be born grandson, and due to this they told her that she could not smoke there. So naturally that means that she then can smoke every 5 minutes at work. It was simply the worst experience for me. I was getting migrane after migrane and I truly could not concentrate. I had an air freshner at my desk and even having it sit right in front of me, it was making NO difference. So I got fed up sent her two e-mails just stating I could smell it, and nothing in response. So that was it. It was my so to call end of the rope. I decided that I simply didn't care what she thought anymore, I was going to tell the right people and it would stop. So I wrote the dean, who kindly wrote back and told me she would take care of it. Well yesterday I was requested to meet with my boss. I said a quick prayer in the morning that she would have a softening of her heart. Not the case, but what Heavenly Father blessed me with instead was an insensitive heart myself. For once I was sitting there not affected by all the awful things she said to me. One in which and I quote, "No one wants to be your friend here." Just thinking about it, I am still shocked such words could come out of a managers mouth, but then I just remember the feeling I had that it simply didn't matter. That this trial would be such a small moment in my life. The baby was kicking in my tummy while she spoke much harsher things, and all I could think of was how lucky I was to have this little baby coming. For the first time I wasn't shaking while talking to her. I wasn't scared and I wasn't affected. It was wonderful!

After work Justin asked me how I was doing, and I held his hand and said, "Life is wonderful." And I truly feel that way. It is amazing. Heavenly Father does hear our prayers and he answered it in the way I hadn't thought of, which was to simply allow me to not feel anything anymore towards work. I no longer hate it, and I don't care about it. I still work my hardest and do my very best, but that is all, and that is simply the best thing in the world!

I have learned some invaluable lessons this week. I gave a talk on Sunday on Self Mastery and I have to say that the talk was entirely for me at this time in my life. I have over come a part of my flesh today, and it feels simply wonderful. I hope this feeling continues because it seriously feels so wonderful not to feel anything. I told Justin that I neither feel sad, angry or overally happy. I just feel content, and that is all that I have been looking for.

I think more than anything, that today I am happy to be able to say that today is a wonderful day! I thank my mom who has helped me out for weeks on over coming the pain of an awful job, feelings of not wanting to continue with the normal everyday things. Thank you mom for a crockpot that has truly made my life so much easier! It works and I love it! Thank you for a mom who taught me to get on my knees and pray even when I didn't feel like it and to stay in church even though I wanted to go home. Thank you for a mom that still teaches me that being poor is not easy, but it will be okay and there can be joy found in life without money. I thank my mom and my step dad for just being there in more ways than I feel like I can say openly. Without you I would be nothing, and without you I'd be lost. Thank you for your love and support. I'm so glad you are closer! My cup runneth over! Today I am just grateful for so much. I am thankful for my love that works so hard at school and is getting flipping amazing grades, and a daughter that smiles all the time! And a sweet baby that we are more than excited about. A job that provides an income, and a few very sweet friends. And a sister that seems to get it all, and understands how to be the most amazing sister. So thank you for all you do! Thank you for being part of our busy lives! Without you we would be nothing! Without you, we would have given up a long time ago! There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and oh it is beautiful! Truly beautiful!

Fall and Bikes!!!

2011-10-22T13:19:00.001-07:00

Lylia riding her bike!

Justin and Lylia doing flatland! lol

Riding in her daddy's shadow!

Liked the graffiti in this picture. Maybe I am turning urban. lol.

Trees just need a post in and of themselves! So beautiful around here!

The all rare prego pictures!

2011-10-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

23 weeks pregnant!

This is one of three runners. They all are the same but that is because I wanted them to match being on two similar book shelves! You can see my project in the making at finishedprojects.blogspot.com.

2 am conversations

2011-10-21T05:12:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 2 am, and could not go back to sleep. I have had so much on my mind, that I literally could not get my mind to stop long enough to fall back to sleep. I gave a lesson at relief society last night, and felt so rushed in my 10 minute bracket for something that I didn't realize could take longer to explain. I felt like I had done injustice to my topic. The relief society president said I did a good job, but I am one of these people that always over analyzes everything. I have had the assignment to teach for two weeks now, and have been thinking about it, but didn't write down my thoughts until yesterday morning, so I felt razzled. Somehow I think it was okay, but I just wish it could have been better.
The other thing on my mind was my talk on Sunday. I seriously have been so busy running to and fro that sitting down to write a talk has been impossible. I've been reading materials and things on the bus on the way to work, but it is a piece here and a piece there. Well I woke up Justin because I needed someone to talk about it with. He was more than sweet and offered to listen to what I had so far. So I asked him to tell me what I should and should not include. He knows I worry about sharring personal stories a lot because I don't like to be judged. In talking about the topic Self Mastery, I felt even more so that this topic is a great one for me right now. I am learning how to be more self reliant with every step I take.
Some quick thoughts on it are: I was reading the story about Nephi breaking his bow, and never before had this story become so real to me. Here they are being let with the Liahona by their faith, and then a simple test of faith in his bow breaking and the whole family falls to pieces and starts to murmur. Even Lehi who saw great visions and was a wonderful prophet began to murmur. Nephi was like, hey why are you all murming we have been led by our faith and we know it because we literally can see the liahona working and the writings change as we go. He then shows them that all they need to do is find a straight stick build a new bow and arrow, and then shows them that the liahona will lead him to food, in which of course it did. So quickly they realize how they should repent. I was thinking about this when it comes to self mastery. Lehi was a great prophet and had seen some pretty amazing things, and yet when the simple trial came of a bow breaking, he faltered. I relate that to my life, because when the trials of my life hit lately, I forgot that he had been leading me by my faith and when one little thing came up that was difficult I faltered, and going to church became so hard, and praying was difficult and so was reading my scriptures. It was through these sure foundations that I didn't realize that I constantly had to be working at to keep the spirit with me to keep me from faltering. I think all too often we forget the foundations need just as much work as the big mountain moving principles. I am thankful today for a mom who sat with me on the phone 2 Sunday's ago while I cried in the car, and told me that it was okay. But to keep going to keep attending church, because eventually these feelings would go away. I learned that again today while reading in the 17th Chapter of Nephi.
He even said in verse 3, "And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and a strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness."
Also today was the day, I told the dean about the smoking. It has only gotten worse not better, and today I was tired of it. So keep me in your prayers that all will go well.

Quick update

2011-10-19T05:32:00.001-07:00

So not that any one really cares but I wanted to write a quick update on the last few days. Justin has had two or three tests so far this week and has another 2 or 3 in the next day or two. He has done exceptionally well and has received some of the highest grades!!! I am so proud of him. He truly works so hard in his studying and he is definately seeing the rewards! Keep going ducky!
In other news, our car went in to be looked at last week to find out why it just turns off for no reason, and found out that it is the air intake. So a couple of hundred dollars later it should hopefully be fixed the end of this week.
Lylia has been great. She loves school, and loves to play puzzles, and dance. She loves to play with daddy and loves her letters right now. She can spell her full name and writes it too!! We are so proud of her! She is also very sweet and loves to give me hugs when I am sad or crying. She is very perceptive and loves to show she cares.
I am almost 23 weeks along, which means 17 weeks to go! I am so excited for the baby to come, so I can stay home. My boss has been out of the office the last two days, and you would not believe the difference one person can make in an office. Seriously has been nice at work the last two days. No smell of smoke, people are nice and social. It is like a different work place. Its been a nice break!
I am almost finished with a sewing project. After about two months it is almost done. It actually really looks awesome, and turned out better than I imagined. Anyway that is life.

Is it possible?

2011-10-12T06:22:00.000-07:00

So you guessed it, we are having car problems. Justin ended up being really late for school this morning because he had to walk Lylia to day care and then catch the bus. We called around and the soonest we could have it looked at is tomorrow, which is luckily literally right behind Justin's work. Hopefully it won't be too costly. I think more than anything I value a dependable car, and our car has been totally until now. I am sure it isn't a big deal...well I hope it isn't.
Then at work I was talked to by my supervisor about how I am too nice. Yes that is right, I am too friendly with students. I stood there just shocked that I was in trouble for being nice. Oh boy life just keeps getting better and better.

Somehow with all the loveliness that is my life right now, I somehow am not crying. Most likely it is denial. Hope your day is better than ours!

Good Mondays!

2011-10-11T08:53:00.000-07:00

I feel like I cram all of my things to do during working hours in my one hour lunch. And I just finished the budget, watching a bit of a movie, and catching up on my friends blogs.

Yesterday I got the day off because Lylia's day care was closed, and so I was forced into taking more time off from work, which I might add they were more than not happy with, but I didn't think about work once! Instead I got to spend the day doing the normal things that I know someday I will find boring. But for yesterday it was just what I needed! I was finally able to feel like the mom I know is in me. Lylia and I went to a thrift store and found some awesome deals on baby stuff! Lylia and I then went to Ikea, in which Lylia got to play in their play area while I walked around. It was super relaxing. I picked her up and she was smiling from ear to ear, and we then had lunch together, and spent the rest of the day just hanging out! Nothing better! Yesterday while snuggling with me, she said, "I wish everyday could be like this." and I held her even tighter and said, that someday it will be! I am thankful for yesterday that gave me the energy and excitement to keep going today.

Justin had a huge test today in which he conquered! I am so proud of him. I don't know how he does what he does, but I am thankful for his sacrifices. He often goes to bed late after studying, and then gets up very early for the new day. If I were him I'd be going crazy! I guess we each have our trials. Sorry my posts have been not so much exciting stuff rather my survival of day to day. I am excited to go home an hour early today for working all day Saturday! Not exactly a great trade off, but it is something.

Change this feeling under my feet...

2011-10-06T05:30:00.000-07:00

So life is same as it has been for weeks now, which is hectic. With Justin in school now, I no longer have the luxury of just taking the bus home and sometimes walking into a wonderfully cooked meal. No life has hit reality finally. Instead I hop on an even more cramped bus, go over to Justin's work, pick the car up, head over to get Lylia, get home make dinner, do bath time, and then its bedtime. I don't get a ton of sit around time, but neither does Justin so we are even. lol. Some days are hard, but I am finding with a lot of prayer, reading my scriptures that the hard feelings I have towards work are becoming easier to bare. At least right now I can say that.

Lylia got to go on a field trip today to a read a thon. She was so excited because she was allowed to wear her PJ's to school!

Justin and I for no real reason both woke up at 3:30 am this morning. Neither of us could go back to sleep so we got to talk for an hour or so. Although I knew my body would hate me later, but it was nice to have that time to talk. We mostly quoted stupid movie lines and laughed, and would tell each other what little things that Lylia says that are hilarious!

Well I heard these Lyrics on a song, and what I heard is actually different than the real Lyrics, but I like my version more because it was what I needed to hear on Monday morning when I was going back to work. Change this feeling under my feet/Change my feet/Change me. I was thinking that is what my prayers have been about lately. I've been praying to change work, to make it better so essentially change the feeling under my feet. Like changing a side walk to rubber or something like that. So then I started to think that maybe I was praying for the wrong thing, so then I started to pray that Heavenly Father would change my feet. Give me better walking shoes, or less of a high arch, give me things that I like about work. Then that didn't seem to be working, so then I realized that I needed to pray to change me. That there is something to learn from this, and I am not sure what it is, but in a blessing I received recently Heavenly Father said, "I know the bigger picture." I trust in him, I trust in prayer. I know that with faith that he can change me, and that through this process I will learn to handle change and things that are difficult with more ease. I am thankful for a Heavenly Father who knows me, and knows my bigger plan. It is as the Book of Mormon teaches, Nephi did not know the bigger plan at the beginning when he was asked to get the Plates from Laban, but over time he learned what he should do. Why do I keep forgetting this. So this week I am praying for him to change me rather than praying that my circumstances will change. I just want the best for my love Justin, and my ducky Lylia. I care so much for them, and want every happiness for them.

Splendid Dresser!

2011-09-30T12:23:00.001-07:00

I wanted to get a dresser for the room that Lylia and the new baby girl will be sharing but what I really wanted was a dresser that could double for a changing table. I went onto craigslist crossing my fingers, and found this solid wood dresser for $20! And I was the first to respond so I got it! So we went and picked it up last Saturday and spent the day doing a little project. It was really beautiful outside and Lylia loved being out on the grass while we worked. It was really a nice afternoon. Here are the pictures!

A little higher than my waist! Perfect for changing!

The top and side of the dressers!

After it is all sanded down.

Me sanding away, don't worry I had a mask on.

Justin cleaning it as we went. The guy who owned it was a smoker so we made sure it was cleaned really well.

Starting to paint. I picked Purple because I don't usually paint with colors and thought it would be fun to try. I still am not sure about it but Justin keeps telling me it is because of the carpet, and I know he is right!

Lylia kept referring to it as my beautiful art project. She wanted in on the painting action too.

Here is the finished dresser. It looks darker in the picture than it actual is though.

Do you like it?

Justin's First day of school

2011-09-27T10:00:00.000-07:00

I should have taken a picture of him leaving for school yesterday! lol. Didn't he luck out! lol. Well he got home last night and we talked all about his first day in his real program, and he loves it! Thank goodness. I have to admit part of me was holding my breath waiting for him to say, "Honey I am not sure this is what I want to do for the rest of my life..." But he didn't! Instead he is excited for the semester and is staying on top of his homework!
In other eventful news is that Lylia is taking a dance class. She dances so much around the house, and with the new baby coming I really wanted her to feel loved. So she has a beautiful pink dress that twirls, and little ballet shoes and tap shoes! You should see her go, she is so good! We took some pictures on Justin's ipad but I am not sure if we can put them on here. Justin was able to go with us last Saturday but most likely it will be just Lylia and I going since Justin works all Saturday's now. She looks so happy when she is there. I remember doing a tap dance to "up on the roof top" and I still remember what the outfit I wore was.
I have been working on a dresser/changing table project that I got off craigslist for $20! We painted it and are just waiting for new handles to come in the mail. I'll post pictures when it is all done!
Other than that, we are holding on trying to enjoy the ride of this terribly busy year!

Things that make me smile!

2011-09-22T06:03:00.001-07:00

Lylia asks me to take her picture a lot more now, and I realized that she is always wearing the same dress. She likes that she can dance in it. Anyway I was lucky to get one smiling picture because she now thinks it is really funny to always make some sort of face in the camera! So here they are!

I also had to put a picture of my wonderful washing machine! Oh it is so beautiful to me!!! It does a full load and the dryer dries in one try! Oh I never knew such joy with a chore!

Fair... weeks over due

2011-09-22T05:23:00.000-07:00

We went to the Fair weeks ago, but I just got around to e-mailing them to myself so I could post them before work starts. So enjoy!
This was one of the best smile pictures. She mostly wouldn't smile at us, so when she did it was a good moment!

With the lambs!

She always has kitty by her side.

Justin on a ride!

The girls in the quilt exhibit!

On a blow up thing. She loves these!

Who doesn't remember these vintage cars!

He is like a little kid on rides! This one would have made me throw up in about 1 second.

Another cute smile picture!

Lylia giving me one of a thousand to look forward to looks of, come on mom quilts are not that exciting, lets move it! lol.

Our traditional family fair picture! The tradition still lives on! Although not nearly as big as the Salt Lake one, it was still a lot of fun!

The first gift for our baby!

2011-09-22T05:19:00.001-07:00

We found these after we found out that we are having....

A girl!!!!

Also here is a few pictures of my ever growing tummy!

Opposition in All Things...

2011-09-21T06:08:00.000-07:00

So today is not only a day I have been so excited about for weeks now, but also a day I have been dreading as well. Today was my interim 3 month review. I have my final review in another 3 months. So they planned it for first thing this morning, and I have to admit I am still obviously trying to get over it. I even prepared myself for the worst. There were no praises, not one, just complaints. They said never in the history of any 3 month review has anyone used personal time or vacation time or sick time before. First of all that shocked me because its not like I was taking it off for fun, Lylia was sick twice. So dumb. Then she of course had to comment on me taking a half day today off for my ultrasound. I don't even care if she thinks that is bad. ITS NOT!!! Also I've been late to work twice (15 minutes once and 5 minutes the other) and so that was a big deal of course. That was the gist of it, nothing actually work related which makes me laugh. Why don't they see that if they have no actual work complaints that maybe the other stuff doesn't affect my ability to do a good job or affect the university in any way. Oh well, I'll get over it. No one likes to get in trouble right?! Well I am just trying to get past it so I can enjoy my half day today. Think positive. I get to find out what bundle of joy I am having. And then we get to buy one outfit! This baby truly is a huge blessing to me. For more than one reason, but the biggest being that I get to be a stay at home mom in 21 weeks, and I couldn't be more thrilled! I truly hate this work drama, where I feel like all that people care about is work, and nothing else. I must be crazy for thinking that 3 hours a night is not enough time to enjoy life. I hate the being in one place for 8 hours of my day, and then on the occasional Saturday. Working has made me see that life is so much more. I know we aren't supposed to sit idle in life, but I certainly don't understand how you cant work and enjoy life all at the same time, by allowing people to take time off when they need to, and allowing their family to come and see them for a few minutes. It is just so dumb.
Yet again this baby although I thought it was bad timing, is the best timing in the world! I thank Heavenly Father for giving me this break to be home with my babies! I don't take it for granted.
Check back later to find out what we are having!

Feeling Inspired...

2011-09-20T07:16:00.000-07:00

So Pinterest is one of my new favorite things. However it is also making my list of to do projects even longer. I've been looking at Lylia's room lately, which like our room is a disaster. It is the one place we just sleep and everything is dumped. This is not how I like it, but I have given up on this battle for now. Sometimes I am learning things just need to be let go and more important things take their place. Luckily no one but us comes in our rooms, and we can shut the door. I mostly have unfolded laundry in ours and Lylia's is a modge podge of stuff.
Well anyway I want to decorate Lylia's room that she will be sharing with our new baby. I guess I've been waiting to find out what we are having to see if I can make it a totally girly room or what. I wish it was a bit bigger though. We will manage.
Tomorrow is the day that we find out what we are having!! I swear I don't remember being this excited with Lylia! I am so excited! I am trying to think of one creative way of telling people but I think I will end up being lame and just saying it.
So maybe soon you will see a project in the works, and pictures of a new revamped room. I just have way too many projects and not enough time or resources to get them all done. patience...

is that american or swiss?

2011-09-19T05:29:00.000-07:00

So the title of this blog is how my brain feels right now. It is a Monday and I am thinking about the immanent weeks to come. This week is busy it feels like. Then next week Justin starts school and I take on the responsibilities of everything he has been doing. Such as taking Lylia to school, and then picking her up, and then making dinner, and then bath time and beyond. This year is going to be a long hard one, but I am hoping it is worth all the work.
I hadn't realized I hadn't posted for a few days until I got on this morning. We really don't do anything worth notating. On Friday we got Lylia some winter gear because it has been as low as the 40's here, and as high as the 70's. This is truly fall, and it is beautiful. The leaves are turning colors all around us. I love being somewhere that feels like home finally. I like feeling in my element. Well I have had braxton hicks I am pretty sure the last two days, only three times, but still they are not pleasant. I don't remember these with Lylia.
I wrote my sister an e-mail one day, and wrote what came into my mind the second it came into my mind, and my sister wrote back laughing about it because she commented that she doesn't understand how my head works. Me neither! I have a thousand things going through it at all times. Hence why when I get pregnant and my memory starts to slip I start to think, "Is that american or swiss?" Oh it is painful to feel so dumb.
Well anyway our scripture study this morning was Matthew 13. We were under more of a time crunch this morning because I hit the alarm three times. But we read enough that I got something out of it. I liked the part about why it is that the Savior talks in Parables. This is something for years that I had wondered about and finally someone told me that it was because it is the easiest way for each of us at different stages of our lives to get something out of it. The parable of the sower never seemed to interest me, and still would not be listed as my favorite story, but it is an interesting visual thought to think that someone is just walking down the street throwing seeds. Of course because they are not given love each one of them to be buried, the birds come and eat them. And how because of this their roots are not deep and they wither. I feel like that sometimes. That unless my heart is in something it withers away. Maybe that is why diets always fail, because you are doing it as not a change of I want to make my body healthy, but rather, I really would like to fit in those pants.
Anyway I was grateful to be reminded of these things this morning. I look forward to the coming parables!

Scripture reading for the day!

2011-09-09T05:50:00.000-07:00

We were only able to read one chapter today, but it was chalk full of good stuff. I liked three things particularly. The first was Matthew 6 1:4

Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven./ Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Very I say unto you, They have their reward./But when thoud doest alms, let not they let hand know what thy right hand doeth:/ That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly.

I am thankful for the ability to pay tithing. I have always been blessed enough to say we are full tithe payers, and I know that the blessings we have in our lives are because of it. Lately when money is so tight it would of coarse be easier to put that money towards a bill, but I am thankful to show my gratitude and hopefully show that we would be nothing without our Heavenly Father's guiding hand.

The second set that I loved was Matthew 6:5-8

And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocites are: for they love to pray standing in synagogues and in the corners of the streest, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward./But thou, when thou prayest, enter into they closet, and when thou has shut they door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly./But when ye pray, us not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they will be heard for their much speaking./Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things you have need of, before ye ask him.

Oh there is so much even in these few short versus. I remember in high school seeing the kids in a prayer circle at the bottom of the cafeteria. I just felt that this scripture applied to them. I have had some most wonderful conversations with my Heavenly Father, and they have happened, when I have gone in secret where I could pour my heart into my prayers. Truly Heavenly Father rewards openly when we pray to him with sincere hearts. It is so fun to hear Lylia pray. I notice a few repetitions of things we say, but then she also thanks him for all the things she is thankful for. It is so fun to listen to. Her kitty is always in her prayer as are our good friends Molly and Byron. I loved learning that we need to learn to pray, thinking before hand what Heavenly father would have us pray for. I need to do this more often. I am thankful for prayer and the comfort I find there.

Okay the last thing was on fasting. The scriptures are similar to the alms one. I remember again when in high school as a stake we were participating in a stake fast to improve missionary work, and for 40 days atleast 1 auxilary in our stake would be fasting for missionary work. I remember my mom saying that I did not need to do this, but I wanted to! I wanted to test fasting. So I fasted. I was going to sit in the library so my friends would not know, but the library was closed that day, and I had no where to go except to my normal lunch table with my friends. They asked of coarse why I was not eatting, and I told them I was fasting as part of our stake to help with missionary work in our area. Immediately we had a conversation about religion, and about the Plan of Salvation. I sat at that table being blessed with a missionary opportunity. I drew the Plan of Salvation and shared my testimony that I knew it was true. I later gave one of my friends a Book of Mormon. I always remember that lesson I learned about fasting and fasting with a purpose.

Need a good laugh today?!

2011-09-08T13:22:00.001-07:00

Scripture study lesson of the day!

2011-09-08T05:04:00.000-07:00

Justin and I did our first day of waking up early and reading together. That is right after these 4 years we are finally trying to be better! lol. So we thought we would share with you what we learn as we go. Today the scripture that struck is both was:

Matthew 5: 43-48

Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love they neighbour, and hate thine enemy./ But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;/ That you may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust./ For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not eve the publicans the same?/ And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? /Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

It was funny because Justin and I were both thinking of our bosses! lol. I think we can all learn from this lesson, that we need to love each other and try to remember that they are just as much loved as we are by Heavenly Father. So what did we say we were going to do today to make this part of our daily lives? Well Justin is going to share with his co-workers what we read this morning and tell them he wants to try and like his bosses and not to talk ill of them. I said that I wouldn't get annoyed with drivers today. lol. I know good one right... not really, but maybe throughout the day it will evolve into something better, but for this morning this is the only thing that came into mind.

Anyway I better go, but check back often because we are studying every morning! And we are going to post pictures soon. I am not feeling nearly as sick lately so life might just begin. I wish I had a radio to blast at work and dance in my office/cube. I am pretty sure it would wake everyone else up too!

SO EXCITED!!!!!

2011-09-07T08:55:00.000-07:00

On September 21st we are finding out if we are having a boy or a girl!!! I am so excited I wish it were next week! But now I have something to look forward to! So if there is anyone who reads this blog and wants to put a comment of what they think it is, I will be posting the results on the 21st! Hopefully the baby won't keep it a secret! PS my boss actually gave me a half a day off!!!! WAHOO!!!!

Home is just what I needed!

2011-09-06T08:37:00.000-07:00

I don't know how going home did it, but somehow my morning sickness is getting better. I still throw up but not nearly as much as I did last week, and I am so thankful for the break. While I was home Lylia and I got to go and eat at my favorite restaurant China Dragon. We went to Ikea and a quilt shop while Grandpa babysat. The only thing that could have made it better was more time! Thank you Mom and Gordon! Home is best and truly where I'd rather be. It was so nice to forget about life for a few days! Lylia can't stop talking about it, and asked today if, "After school can we go to Grandpa's house?" That truly is a huge compliment from Lylia!

Where have we been?

2011-09-01T07:35:00.000-07:00

Well truly we have been trying to survive tiredness this week. We went to a group dinner on Sunday and it was a lot of fun, where we got to meet some other couples. It will be nice to go to church and actually be able to say hi to someone. And since then I've been very sick. This pregnancy has been a lot more difficult than my pregnancy with Lylia was, and that has been hard for me on top of everything else to do. So a few weeks ago I started having heart palpitations. So I went to the urgent care the other night and they sent me to the ER. Needless to say today I go in for a heart monitor just so they can record my heart activity for 24 hours. Justin has been the amazing dad that washes Lylia, takes care of dinner, and makes sure that we are alive with clean clothes. I feel like the last week is the biggest haze. After a nice relaxing Saturday last week, to this week, it just feels like I am in a blurr. Work has been busy because school started this week and I still can't get my handle on wanting to cook because nothing sounds good to eat, and doing laundry which is a never ending pile it seems, and just one thing after another. We are robots. We get up have breakfast if we are lucky, get Lylia ready, get lunches, then all head out the door in what we hope is enough time to get to work. Then we are gone all day, get home around the same time, I get sick with morning sickness the same time dinner hits, so I am laying down with a bowl, while Justin is trying to figure out what to make. Lylia is dancing around chatting up a storm, and the rest of the night is miserable. Nothing getting down because Justin plays with Lylia and I am just trying not to get sick. Then 8:30 hits and I am off to bed and Justin takes care of Lylia, and our day starts all over again. Our house is a mess, I have a sewing project laying out that I can't finish, toys all over, movies all over, laundry all over, and all on a carpet that I hate. lol. I swear that carpet makes it feel dirty when it isn't. Well anyway enough with our pity party, to all of our beloved friends and family out there, we are sorry if we are MIA, but we will be back someday. Lylia and I and hopefully Justin will be making a trip to my mom's this weekend for Labor day, and she already said she is going to take good care of us. I am really looking forward to going home. I just hope to make the 4 hour drive with a husband at my side, but he may have to work. Happy labor day, and only 22 more days til Autumn. Wow, time has flown. I'll keep you updated on my heart, I am sure it is nothing, but it is good to be safe. I have had some near fainting episodes so it will be good to eliminate anything serious.

We are pathetic!

2011-08-25T08:36:00.000-07:00

We have hit an all time low! lol. We all went to bed before 9 pm last night. At least now Lylia isn't jealous of us staying up later. But also we aren't getting anything done at night.

Humble Beginnings

2011-08-23T06:00:00.000-07:00

So I've had a lot going on in my mind lately. In talking to my mom the other day I still am amazed at just how well she knows me. She made a comment to me about how she knows I hold high expectations and that these expectations weigh me down at times. I started crying because it is true. I aspire so much to be what I call well rounded. I want to be the hard working wife who supports her family through the college years, I want to be the mom that has all the energy in the world to play with her children non-stop, I want to be the caregiver to my family when they are going through a hard time, I want to be the provider of healthy good meals, I want to be organized and clean, and have everything put in its place, I want to have everything planned out, I want to be well read, and have beautiful sewing projects adorning my home, I want to see and do new things, I want to have aquiantances in all stations of life, I want to not be tired, and I want to run until I can't possibly do it anymore, and I want to be active with my family, I want to have a strong testimony and a calling. All these things are obtainable but as I am quick to realize over and over again, that it is not possible to accomplish these all at once. Line upon line. I've been reading "How to Draw Closer to God" , by Elder Erying. It is wonderful. I've read it many times before and yet I am surprised everytime I read it, and learn something new. There is a part in there where Elder Eyring straight out says that people get weighed down by the thought that they can't be that perfect. That having Jesus Christ as our example can be too high a standard for some people, but he suggests that it is through him that it is possible. That yes he can be our example, but trying to live like him is truly where the "through him" part is partooken of.
Last night I broke down crying to Justin. He was telling me of something that had happened to him at work, and I realized as he was telling me that I began to feel anxious. I stopped him and said, I think I am taking this upon myself. I think I feel responsible that you are feeling this way. I then realized that I was doing exactly what my mom had eluded too, that I take too much upon myself. We talked about it, I cried a lot, and I think we have a better sense of balance. We've just been so busy trying to catch our breaths and just haven't yet. I hadn't realized that the one thing that has been bothering me the most lately is food. I know weird right!? Well here it goes. For the past two weeks we've been receiving help from the church for food this month. It has been a very tight month for us, and although I am not proud of receiving food from the church, I am so thankful for it. It has truly been the most spiritual experience of our lives. Everyday is a struggle for the next, and every night I feel a little more down trodden. But I am also finding that reading the Book of Mormon on the bus gives me this strength that I can't describe. I thirst for it. In reading about the stories in there, I am realizing how much they do relate to my life right now. About how it is when we are struggling with trials that we remember the Lord. In Elder Eyrings book he talks about this very thing and just happened to be reading a part on this before reading The Book of Mormon this morning. He was talking about how King Benjamin teaches us how to remember on our own, so we don't have to be in our low times to realize the great joys found in the gospel. It was a good reminder.
It is in being poorer than poor that life is making the most sense. In talking about Justin's work, we are seeing how the power and influence of money truly leads people astray from what really matters, and Justin and I are even more thankful now, for our humble beginnings.

Where have you gone Damagio! Right Here Right Here!

2011-08-22T09:58:00.000-07:00

Okay I love that line from the movie Return to Me. We had new neighbors move in upstairs yesterday and we are beyond thrilled to have them there! They are NORMAL!!!! In other words they are not from the Utah college group. Why is that a bad thing, well Justin and I never meshed well with that group. That "group of people" like to hear themselves talk and point their noses in the air! We prefer to like people. lol. Well now that I have offended a few people in our blogging reading world, I'll move on. Our neighbors are from Mesa Arizona! I was so excited and then started laughing because I realize now that I all I remember from my time there are restaurants! So they are excited to go home and try some. They are really nice and seem super friendly! It was funny, at one point Justin and I sat in our apartment saying to each other, "Let's not scare them off too quickly." And we both started laughing. We have been in need of friends here, that we can sit with at church and just have someone to talk to occassionally. We have our dear friends Molly and Byron that we talk to on a weekly basis from Utah, but I can't do anything with them physically. So needless to say we are thrilled to have people that are LDS and normal!
In other news, we went to the fair on Saturday. In the admission price Justin and Lylia could ride all the rides they wanted for free. I'll post pictures when I can. Justin made the mistake of taking Lylia into a haunted scobby doo (spell that right?) house, and she can't stop talking about how scarey it was. =( He won't be doing that again! They had a blast though. We had a funnel cake and just enjoyed being away from home as a family. Although we don't have the money to do that kind of stuff, we are finding it vital to our survival. it was worth the $18! Well anyway I'll say good bye for now, and shall post pictures later!

Batman

2011-08-19T16:31:00.000-07:00

Everyone is getting in on the batman craze! As I drove through downtown this morning at work it was snowing because the movie crew was filming a snowy scene. Then I passed this on my way back to the chapel.

Puffy clouds!

2011-08-15T07:27:00.000-07:00

So what in the world...puffy clouds! LOL well I didn't know any better way to explain my feelings. Work has been work. Nothing has gotten really any better but it also has not gotten any worse! But what has gotten better is my mood about it! I decided that I needed a change. So what did I do, I asked Justin if I could pretty please get my hair cut! This was a big pretty please because we can't afford such luxuries. Well he said okay, and I was thrilled. So on my way home from work on Friday I got my hair chopped off! I'll have to take a picture soon. Until then you can see the picture I handed the girl! Now if only I were that skinny! Well I have dreams of it after the baby comes! I didn't get my bangs that short but it looks pretty cute! And it is super easy to do now.

What we've been up to!

2011-08-10T06:41:00.000-07:00

Lylia has been sick again! We ended up taking her to the Urgent Care, which might I add is nicer than any doctors office I've ever been in! It was great! And we got right in. Lylia just has a virus. I stayed home with her two days, and came back to work today. It was really nice being home with Lylia though! She loves to watch Backyardigans and have her feet rubbed and to snuggle. She is doing better today, but Justin has today off so she is home again! Lucky girl! We had fun watching Jumanji! I know probably a little scarey for her, but she loved it! She loved all the animals in it. Other than that life has been same old same old.

How could I....

2011-08-10T06:39:00.000-07:00

Forget about.... The movie I used to watch all the time!!! Creature from the Black Lagoon! Oh I always wanted to look as good in a bathing suit as her! There was and still is just something so good about this movie!!! LOVE IT!!! Thanks Jennifer for helping me to remember the most beloved of all!

Movies I was obessed with... and still may be! lol.

2011-08-05T12:04:00.000-07:00

There are so many to choose from, but I had to think of only a few! The sad thing is that I own all of these except two...which will change someday =) I have always had a great love for movies. When Justin and I first started dating he didn't understand why I loved movies so much. To be honest the reason I love movies is because they let me live others lives and not have to make the same mistakes they make. It also helps me to escape to somewhere other than the here and now. So here is my list!
1. Seabert... And yes I had the stuffed animal! I think we got this from a gas station and I loved it! (Oh and I still have this on VHS!)

2. The Little Mermaid... And yes I use to sing out loud!

3. Big business... I use to dream about wearing the dress with the polka dots!

4. Baby boom... My favorite part... when she is making applesauce in her beautiful country home that she hates! I love that home!

5. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers... love that they all fall in love! Okay I kind of like that they were kidnapped and it was all because the guys loved them!

6. On our Own... "we can make it together. Hold on Hold on..." Oh I loved that song! And the movie! What did I like about it, that they won money from a slot machine, they had a volkswagon bug, and because they loved each other! Go Ralphy!

7. The Little Prince... I actually watched this so much that my sister destroyed my movie! I am trying not to hold it against her since she tried to repay me with the book. But the movie was great! My favorite part is where he cooks the egg over the volcano.

8. Unsinkable Molly Brown... don't you love how much he loves her! Oh it is just the best! I love the brass bed, and her beautiful red dress, and that she is so pretty at the end!

Oh wonderful sleep!

2011-08-05T10:57:00.000-07:00

So last night around 6:45pm I went into our room and told Justin I would get dressed so we could go outside. Well I went in the room and instantly felt tired. I told him I just wanted to lay down for a few minutes. Well a few minutes turned into me waking up at 7 am! Yes that is right, Justin let me sleep for 12 hours! He is simply the best. I was so tired that as soon as I hit the bed I was out. He doesn't make me feel guilty for it or anything which really means that much more to me than the sleep itself. I don't know what I would do without Justin. I am truly thankful to have such a sweet thoughtful husband. I forgot just how tired you get during your first trimester! One week to go and I am in my second trimester. Which hopefully means that food will look good again, and I won't be sick everyday five times a day! Oh and yes, that I won't be tired anymore.

In other news, Justin was praised at work the other day. He went to tell them that he was looking at getting a second job and they told him that he could work the extra hours there because he is such a hard worker, they don't want to loose him. So we are happy about that. So this means he can work more hours where he is! I am also looking at applying for a stay at home job that was found for me by my mom and aunt. It is a friend of hers that owns the company. So hopefully that will come in handy either now or later for when I have the baby and need to earn money still!

I wish we had some kind of other news but we don't. We are thankful to family that has been so generous with us in food and money to help us make it recently. We have been more poor than I'd like to admit. But these are good things to experience... I guess. LOL.

I am thankful for good jobs and that we have a roof over our head. Justin and I truly have a greater appreciation for the milk we drink, and we hope you do too. Because one day you can pay for it, and the next $4 is just too much! We love you each and truly words could not express our gratitude enough!

I am mostly excited that next week I don't have to wash our clothes by hand anymore! I would have gotten better at it I am sure! I was tempted to call my mom and ask her for her washing board. I've seen the move Far and Away so I know I could do it. And I am sure Jennifer is smiling that I just refered to a movie I use to watch a lot as a child! In fact that lends its way to a funny blog post!

When feeling like an air matress...enough is enough!

2011-08-01T13:03:00.000-07:00

I seriously am so tired of feeling deflated when I get home from work. I go each day ready to fight for another day, and I end up feeling like the most worthless person ever. This can not possibly be normal!

What happened recently to make me feel this way again. My supervisor who has a list of the dumbest things she says people have been observing about me. Like how when the light blinks (which is to tell us when they need assistance upfront) that I sit for a second before getting up. I am thinking, WHAT! Today was the first time I was responding to an e-mail that I knew if I didn't finish my train of thought I'd loose my train of thought. I seriously can't believe that people don't have more to do with their time than to watch the new girl! I mean COME ON!!! I know I rant about work, but just this morning I was so happy I could finally post about something other than work. And then this happens. Oh you might like to know that the other things that they complained about was that I was getting a snack at the snack cart today, and was joking with the people. I had 50 cents and I was in need of a little sugar, and I get in trouble for having a good time. This place is way to high strung for me! I am seriously getting to where I don't want to even try anymore. I was teasing with my supervisor and said, "Is there ever a day you don't think I am terrible?" She laughed and said its not her it is everyone else. She truly is super sweet and I know she knows I am trying, but everyone out here is out to get me. I really just needed to get this out. I hate feeling like I am about to cry at work! I just am so over this place! I will not be returning to work here after the baby comes! I will make any other sacrifice in this life except exchanging time with my sweet baby for the lovely people of University of Pittsburgh's Financial aid office! May be I am not worth anything to them after all!

Ka-Pow!

2011-08-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

Justin had to work yesterday and so Lylia and I had to take the bus to church. Well church just happens to be a few blocks from where I work, which is also where they are filming the new BATMAN movie! Well traffic was awful and there were spectators everywhere. I had an umbrella to keep the sun off of us because it was so hot, and I am sure I was getting looks for that, but I made everyone jealous when I walked up to the barrier and asked, "So if I am going to a church down there do I have to walk all the way around the block?" She said no and that she would escourt me. I said great, and she walked Lylia and I through the scenes. We looked across the street, and who was there! No other than the real BATMAN!!! It was pretty awesome! Surrounded by Gotham Police, and his bat mobile and bat bike and piles of fake snow I was flipping excited! Now it was Sunday and I might have told a little fib so I wouldn't have to walk totally out of our way, and told them we were going to this church: I know how can I look myself in the mirror! But it really did save us loads of time, and with it being so hot and Lylia was tired, I think a fib was worth it! And we wouldn't have seen BATMAN otherwise. Dang those Catholics for having the best seat in town. Lylia didn't know who Batman was but she did like that I told her that daddy was going to be jealous! And he was! So anyway it was pretty awesome! We also got to see two bat mobiles and two bat bikes! These are some pictures from a co-worker! I didn't have my camera and plus I am sure they would have found it unusual that I was going to church but just happened to have my camera! lol. On Saturday when we were at work we saw a bunch of prioners, and my co-worker went and took some pictures!

The Miracle of it All!

2011-07-28T05:19:00.000-07:00

Thanks to this little miracle drug I had called in by my doctor yesterday has yielded itself a day worth having!

I am feeling so good I can't believe this is how normal people feel all the time. When you are sick so much it is hard to remember what it felt like to be whole. And let me tell you it is wonderful! I slept perfect, woke up perfect, and even was able to pack a lunch without throwing up!

Yesterday was a tough day for me. Work as pervious posts might have more than eluded to, has been beyond awful. But today I am turning a new leaf, and making sure that I belong! I am a pretty funny person, and I feel like I have been having to play down who I am just to stay somewhat under the radar! Not today! Today I am feeling good and although I have to leave early to take care of my sick pookie bear I am having a good day!

I am sure Heavenly Father is growing weary of my prayers. And maybe I am praying the wrong way, but mostly I just talk to Heavenly Father as just that, my Father. He knows things about me that make me laugh and blush. I am sure he gets a great sense of laughter out of me. So somehow when I woke up, I felt 100 times better, and felt like the world was not going to fall on me! So prayer works, and so does Zofran!

Odd one out

2011-07-27T11:49:00.000-07:00

This is apparently how my boss sees me. I am not apart of the family. I have betrayed the family. I called HR and thus that means that I can no longer be trusted. Now when I meet with her I am required to have a witness. Or I should say she wants a witness.

We spoke a little bit about the last time I contacted HR which was about me being pregnant and being afraid of loosing my job. She said I told HR things that were untrue. So pretty much we just had it out in her office. I did not lie, I know I didn't lie. I documented everything minutes after the meeting because I was afraid I would miscommunicate things.

I told her I wanted to move past it, but that I needed to talk about it to make that a possibility. She pretty much told me that I was the problem not her. lol. That I have problems, and that she doesn't trust me. I asked her what I can do to be a good employee and she said that it would be to talk to them directly never go to HR. Oh boy this job gets more and more lovely as I stick around. Seriously if I was not pregnant I would just go and find another job. Seriously this is so not worth it. I have never been made to feel so worthless, and that I am a backstabber. I thought HR was supposed to support its employees just as much as the supervisors. Now I know that I can't trust HR. Sweet! lol. Oh I really just needed to get this out. I wish I could go home, but of coarse I can not. She even brought up the shirt thing. Good thing she didn't bring up the smoking thing. Pretty much I can sum it up in one word, "Hmmm."

Three strikes or nine lives?

2011-07-27T11:05:00.000-07:00

I really think I should own this shirt! With how my luck has been going lately! lol.

So Lylia is sick and has been sick since Monday. Well Justin took off work a half day on Monday to stay with her, and then yesterday I took the turn and took the whole day off since he had to funerals to attend to yesterday. Then I was back at work, Justin had today off and stayed with Lylia. Well Justin has to work tomorrow and so do I technically, but Lylia's high fever still has not broken yet, which means there is a good chance that she will be unable to go to school tomorrow, which means that this could be my third strike. Or maybe I should have another one that says I could really use 9 lives.

Well anyway I feel like with my being pregnant that was one strike, my telling her to stop smoking was 2 strikes, and that I have to take two sick days is strike number three. Lets hope that after this I still have 5 more lives. But my bets are no. lol. I'll let you know how it turns out. It could go either really poorly because I don't have sick time to take off, or simply because they are going to be swamped tomorrow, and they are going to be so mad. It is times like this that I wish I had a friend that I could call in a favor. But I don't. So this is where I am hoping life spares me a little.

Sick sick sick

2011-07-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

Lylia was sent home early on Monday with having a 102 degree temp. We were told that a few kids in the day care had it, and that we needed to keep her home until it was no longer above 100 degrees. Well she is home again today. So this is our third day with a sick little baby, and I have to admit that I am tired. lol. I haven't been doing so well with morning sickness which hits in the morning, all day long, and then at dinner time, and bed time. Pretty much I enjoy when I don't have it because I have it more times than not. So with that being said, Lylia woke up in the night with 103 degree temperature. After a little tlc her temp came down and she was able to sleep. Justin luckily had today off so neither one of us have to risk our jobs. Oh but I am just so tired. I would much rather be at home feeling this sick and this tired. I know a bit of a complaining blog post, but I did say that it would be all things life.

My source of my inspiration!

2011-07-26T08:36:00.000-07:00

My mother deserves blog post after blog post! She is truly the most caring loving person! I am honored to be her daughter, to receive her love! This picture of her holding my Lylia when she was not very old, has always lingered in my heart. This picture somehow expresses my dearest most tender love for my mom. My mother years ago when I was very young allowed me to sew on the sewing machine she first learned on. It was a white and orange sewing machine and it was smaller than a normal one. I was also allowed to use my mom's unlimited supply (LOL) of ugly fabrics. I started making barbie clothes. Then I tried making a skirt and a dress, and my love of sewing grew from there. When ever I could do a school project sewing came into mind. My mom was a great teacher. I think sewing will always be a tender thing to me because it came from my mother! Truly the things that matter in life are not the material things, but the people around you and the lessons you learn. So my mother is truly the source of my inspiration. I often would find her late at night sewing or with a bag at a doctor's office that had a sewing project in it. Our home was filled with quilts that we could snuggle in when we watched movies. It was not uncommon that immediately when we would come into the living room as a family, everyone fought over which quilt they would snuggle in. This love of quilts has always remained with me! The house was decorated with different quilts for each season. One with flowers, one with pumpkins, one with Christmas trees, one with the American Flag. I think my love of everything probably sourced from a quilt my mother made. She decorates her house with quilts and it feels like home! I guess that is why I loved when I saw this article in a quilt magazine my mom got me a subscription to.

See how everything has a quilt! When I saw this I dreamed that this was my house! I am slowly working towards making that a reality!

I decided that after a lot of inspiration to make table runners to go on top of these beautiful book shelves! So I decided to go through old magazines I had and get some more inspiration for some blocks!

My workbook!

The fabrics of inspiration!

Spray park!

2011-07-26T06:41:00.000-07:00

We had a nice picnic lunch first, and then Lylia and daddy tried the water first! She was so excited when she saw it!

Lylia was not afraid to sing and dance in the water!

I loved how she ducked through all the tunnels of water!

Some evidence that I did go in the water. I have decided that until after I am pregnant, I will not be taking swim suit pictures of myself! lol

After we went to the spray parks this is right outside of it! So as we were drying off to get into the car, we took some pictures of the beautiful City of Pittsburgh! Can you feel the heat while looking at these pictures? I sure can!

And some videos! Its been a while and here are some for your enjoyment!

It's like this!

2011-07-22T05:31:00.000-07:00

Showing up in a kids play police uniform to work when you should be wearing this football uniform:

Justin was super wonderful and did my laundry this week, but I picked out the wrong shirt to clean. I show up to work this morning wearing the wrong color shirt! Luckily I was on the phones today so it didn't matter, but normally it would have been a big no no! I can't afford to be in trouble right now, and so this really hurts my play record. lol.

They are super strict about these things, so I am really lucky to walk out with a slap on my wrist.

In other interesting news, Justin and I are going to take Lylia to do this tonight!

Not only is it free but it will be a welcome relief from the hot hot weather! Poor mom has had a 112 degree weather. We only have 105 degree weather. Boy am I glad we invested in AC window units! It didn't get below 88 degrees last night. Don't have plans set for tomorrow yet. Justin most likely will work, and I think Lylia and I are going to try to find some cool things to do!

Spin baby spin!

2011-07-21T05:23:00.000-07:00

So this morning if you had seen Justin he would have looked like this kitty cat:

And the reason is because of this:

That is right, Justin does the laundry. Since it is all the way in the basement and my back still has severe problems with carrying things up and down stairs, and the fact that I am now pregnant, Justin has the sole responsibility of taking the laundry down and bringing it up. I know I am so lucky! The only thing is that last night he was down there for some 30 minutes. He came back upstairs and I told him I was so worried about him. He said our washing machine is not spinning, which you could tell really bothered him because not only was he covered with water but he just looked plain

worn out. Poor little guy! I am sure it will be fine. I am not worried about it at all. Well anyway I guess he stayed up all night trying to get the washing machine and the dryer we pay for to work. I felt so bad for him! I didn't realize. Although before going to bed I had lost a large majority of my dinner and couldn't even keep water down. It was a rough night for all of us! But thanks to Justin my little maid, we have clean clothes! At least one load of clean clothes! He is my life saver! Now I have my work uniform for tomorrow!

Working at a Funeral Chapel

2011-07-19T18:09:00.000-07:00

This is Justin again. So I've been blessed with a job that I love at a funeral home. I know a lot of people are curious so I'll just tell you a little about it. I work at Ralph Schugar Chapel. You can look at the website here: www.schugar.com We serve the Jewish community of Greater Pittsburgh almost entirely on our own so we are relatively busy for a Pittsburgh funeral home. Pittsburgh has more funeral homes than anywhere in the whole country by the way. Anyway, it is a small family owned chapel owned by a Mother and her Son and Daughter. Then there are five additional funeral directors and myself. We also hire a few part time people to help out when needed. It has been fun to get to know everyone and learn about funeral service, especially from such a unique point of view(Judaism). Kelly and I love the Hallmark film "Loving Leah" which happens to be about a Jewish family. It is fun to see all the things about the movie that are actually accurate.
Anyway at work I pretty much feel like the caretaker there because I am constantly checking that everything is clean and tidy and ready for visitors at any time of day. Jewish funerals need to happen very quickly so things can change around there in a short amount of time. I always have to keep the building ready at all times. The thing I love about it is there is such a great variety of things to do that one day is never the same as the last day. I do cleaning, dusting, restocking, gardening, random maintenance, washing the cars, filing paperwork, data entry into computers, laminating, filling in as a pallbearer, helping prepare for and carry out graveside services, delivering shiva supplies to homes, going to doctors offices all over the city, working the parking lot and making sure the processions are well organized and get off the lot smoothly. I basically help with whatever the funeral directors need me to help with. I really enjoy it. Basically it has been a great experience so far and I'm glad I chose funeral service as a career. I'm excited to start Mortuary School in September.

Pittsburgh Zoo

2011-07-19T17:45:00.000-07:00

Hi, sorry if you're not used to hearing from me(Justin) on here. I do occasionally remember to post though. Lylia has discovered the Pittsburgh Zoo which is a pretty fun place for us to go. When we went the other day we were surprised that it was Baby Animal Day. As a result Lylia had the opportunity to pet a real live baby alligator and a snake! She was so brave.
They also had some other activities like water spraying and bubbles.

She had the most fun with the bubbles. One of our favourite animals there is the Polar Bear. It was neat to stand under it while it swam over us, then to go up top and see it on the dry land too.

Baby genius?

2011-07-19T17:19:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we get the aero bed out for fun so we can watch a movie on it. This is what Lylia did with her blocks on the bed. We then all went to bed. When we woke up in the morning the whole bed was filled with blocks on every spot. Either Lylia is a genius or there are some squirrels getting into mischief in the night.

Cat is out of the bag!

2011-07-19T10:18:00.001-07:00

Justin and I are so excited that we are expecting a new sweet little baby to join our family! After a year of trying to have a baby, and finally deciding that we were going to have to wait until after school was all done, we got a very big shock when on our anniversary we found out that we are expecting a sweet baby!

My first reaction was tears. Not of joy but rather, oh what are we going to do. And then after talking to a very sweet kind sister, was told that she was excited for me, and that somehow everything would work out. Sometimes babies are planned, and other times not at all. This one was sort of both. This morning I got to see the baby in an ultrasound, and saw the heart flutter. It finally feels real. That is part of the reason why I couldn't tell anyone. Although feeling the affects of being pregnant, it still was such a shock to me that I didn't believe it. Our sweet baby is due February 19thish. We are so excited for this great blessing to our family! We love our Lylia and are excited to have another sweet baby to wrap in our arms! So soon this blog will say the four of us!

I didn't realize I let it slip in a previous post, so good job to Melissa for reading every word with such love!

Too close to call!

2011-07-19T06:47:00.000-07:00

Its one of those times where I just don't know if it is a matter of time or what, but my boss came over and told me that she sprayed and that she would go outside to smoke. Oh yeah and she seemed not so happy about it! Hopefully it will just be a matter of a few weeks and then she will forget all about the fact that she hates me

for helping her to kick her smoking habit!

I'm on a roll!

2011-07-19T06:19:00.000-07:00

Or maybe it is that I am hungry! Either way I've been better than usual at writing on my blog. Life is good. Justin is off to work at the funeral home probably weeding in near 100 degree weather, and I am relaxing blogging while awaiting appointments at work in 70 degree weather, and Lylia is probably dancing her heart away at school. This week at school it is a beach theme, and I forgot to pack her a towel and sunglasses so she wouldn't feel left out.

Well I am trying to think what plans I have for the week that sound fun! Hmmm I think Lylia keeps wanting to make cupcakes so maybe we will do that tonight along with watching a movie. Nothing much going through my mind just some housekeeping stuff. Have a good day!

Fire Alarm?

2011-07-19T05:46:00.000-07:00

So last night I spoke to my sister on the phone. She brought up some very valid points about my work perdicument.

1. How long has it been since we had a fire alarm in my work office?

2. Are their smoke alarms in my office?

Well I am sitting staring up and can very clearly see a sprinkler over my head. Maybe a little lighter action is needed!?

I bring up this conversation to also open the door to the remainder of my work story. So yesterday my boss comes up and asks to see me. After finishing the call I was on, I went to her office in which she said, "I smoke in my office with the window open, but I care about you and the baby, so any time you can smell it please tell me." And that was it. So I thought oh great, she knew it was me after all, which shouldn't be that big of a shocker but I guess I was hoping that HR would keep it confidential.

So I walked into the office this morning and sure enough it smelled strongly of smoke. So I sat down, and tried to decide how I would address it from here. I sent my boss an e-mail just stating I could smell it and would be opening my window in case she gets any complaints from office members. She wrote back and told me she would fix it, and was sorry, and not to worry about the window drama and to let her know any time I could smell it.

I am grateful she is being so nice about it, but at the same time this is going to get old really fast. This is really important to Justin that she stops and so I will continue to e-mail, but for me it truly would just be easiest to sniff my deodorizer all day and have my window open.

Popsicle anyone?

2011-07-18T10:19:00.000-07:00

So we were at the dollar store a few weeks ago, and they had popsicle molds. I decided to get a few thinking they would make great Christmas gifts. Well I forget that when I buy something I have to hide it because I have this little munchkin that thinks everything is for her. So needless to say we had to make popsicles. Sorry Jennifer, no popsicle molds for Christmas for you. I bet your thinking, oh boy if this is the sign of Christmas to come, I don't want her to have my name again. Well anyway I found the most incredibly easy recipe, that has changed my life forever! Better than these babies:

So even though I would love to keep this recipe as a secret for all time, really if you google it you could find it too. So I will share:

Ingredients:

2/3 cup sugar

1 cup blueberries

1 cup strawberries

1 cup raspberries

1. Put sugar and 1/3 cup water in a small saucepan and bring to a boil over high heat, stirring until sugar is dissolved. Set aside.

2. Combine blueberries, strawberries, and raspberries in a blender and puree until smooth.

3. Add 1/3 cup sugar water and blend until just combined.

4. Transfer to molds and put in sticks and freeze.

You may all kiss my feet later! I know you will!

The purpose behind the brick wall

2011-07-18T05:56:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about making our blog private for a long time. Mostly because I don't want my dads family to read it and also because I want to be able to express my thoughts without the whole world knowing it. I plan on being very open on this blog, and using it as an outlet for all family events, all life Lylia, all life Justin and all life me, and oh and all life drama. Be it good or bad. I know I have family members that believe blogs are only for the good stuff, and I totally get that and respect that, but for me this is the best way I can express myself with those I trust and love. I am not a perfect person, and never have claimed to be, but I am also not afraid to be who I am. I have feelings both good and bad, and truly wish to express those in an open outlet. After my parents were divorced a brick wall was put into place to protect myself from ever letting people see who I am. My sweet heart Justin has taught me that there are people in whom I can trust with my heart again. Slowly brick by brick has come down and it is nearly down. I think there will always be a reserve wall but for now I am willing to be open and share with you all of my thoughts. I hope that you will be open and honest with me in your comments. Thanks for all the love and support you have given to Justin and I! We truly wouldn't have invited you if we were not willing to let you into our lives.

Nose plug please!

2011-07-15T13:16:00.001-07:00

My supervisor a few weeks ago was walking me around the office trying to help me familiarize myself with it, and we went by a door where someone opened the door and did this:

I was thinking, what was that, I just got sprayed in the face. Then my supervisor quietly told me that the boss smokes in her office.

So a few hours later when I met with my boss for the first time she went over the office expectations. One of which she stated, "Everyone laughs at me when I go over this one." No smoking in the office. She then proceeded to tell me she smokes in her office with the window open and the door closed. I thought hmmm interesting. That can't be against the law. lol.

So since then I have discovered that this is how much she smokes a day! I had to buy a little stick deodorizer to put in my office, and I open the window and it still doesn't help. So today I decided to do the unthinkable. Yes I did. I e-mailed HR and said I would like to complain annoymously. I just did it today so wish me luck. She is going to know it is me merely for the fact that everyone else here smokes, and two because I am the newest and everyone else here has worked for years. More than I can say. So maybe I will have a job in a week or so, but maybe not, and at this point I hate to say this, but claiming unemployment would be better than working here! They don't think I am capable of doing anything and that is very frustrating to me since I thrive in working. But I am trying to make each day better and tell myself that I am in it for the long haul, but boy it is days like today that I spent way too much time like this:

Tires...Marshmallows...and babies = poor communication

2011-07-13T10:02:00.000-07:00

So as most people do, they sit and look at something or think about something as to why it is the way it is, and it just doesn't make sense. Well last night Justin and I were talking about babies that are huge! Lots of rolly pollies and some look cute and then others just look like their parents don't care that they are unhealthy. Anyway so then I started saying. They look like the Michelin man. Then we started thinking, why is the michelin man the logo for tires? He looks like marshmallows stacked on top of each other. The two just don't go hand in hand. So whenever I tell Justin the joke about how they look like the michelin man, Justin has this image of tires, and I have an image of marshmallows. This is making our communication in our marriage difficult...lol.

Life as we know it

2011-07-07T08:13:00.001-07:00

So just a small update on life. Justin started working full time at a Jewish Funeral Home and loves it! Everyday he loves going to work and loves to tell us his stories when we get home. Lylia is doing well. She is in a day care just down the street, and they already love having her there. Although this morning while snuggling with her she said, "Mommy I just want to stay home and play with you..." It broke my heart. I told her that I would like to be no where else except with her. She had a hard time going to school this morning. I am doing well. Today I started working on the phones after about two weeks of training. I think they are surprised by how quickly I picked their information up. I am excited that next week I'll be on phones all by myself! Other than that nothing to report. Our car is having some issues, but hopefully we can get those worked out in no time.

What do these things have in common...

2011-07-01T05:21:00.000-07:00

1. A bus!

2. Headphones

3. And a micorphone

No I didn't see someone singing on the bus to their music, no rather I wish I was brave enough to jump up and start dancing and singing to my music! It must have been the fact it is a Friday and i was listening to feel good music, or that the music I have on my MP3 just happens to be my running music that pumps me up... or it could be that I wish I were brave enough to just be dorky in public! I seriously was so into my music this morning I found myself at times moving my head back and forth! I guess that is pretty good start, but not close enough to my dream of having someone just get up and start dancing and singing and then the whole bus joins in. Why don't these things actually happen in real life. You always see it on commercials but never in real life.

Going on a safari adventure to see what we can see...

2011-06-27T04:31:00.000-07:00

Justin and Lylia love the park in back of our apartment. It is huge. He has beent talking about it non-stop for days, and so he finally convinced me to go. We bought a tree identifier book and thought it would be fun to identify a different tree on each walk and fill a scrap book of them. Well I never realized how intimidated I would feel. There are so many trees, and of coarse we didn't start out with an oak tree or a maple... nope we started out with one we can't identify. LOL. Needless to say we will be taking that book back and finding another hobby. lol.

Justin thought this weed was huge so I made him take a picture with it.

Did I mention I hate getting my picture taken?

Lylia pictures!

2011-06-27T04:26:00.001-07:00

My sweet little Lylia! Just had to take a few of her on Sunday as well as on Saturday. She is so sweet, and so much fun. Her favorite things to do lately, is play Old Maid, dance and sing to her Dora guitar, and she loves to snuggle and watch a movie of hers.

Dum ta dah! Apartment pictures!

2011-06-27T04:16:00.001-07:00

Our apartment is located in this awesome house on the 2nd floor. The neat story behind this house is that it was built by the Wrigley family (as in the Wrigley baseball field in Chicago.) They lost a lot of family to the Chicago fires and when they moved to Pittsburgh they didn't want that to happen again, so they built this house entirely out of brick. It is very soundproof as well as fireproof which is really nice.

The staircase in the main entry as well as the lead painted mirror.

Don't you just love the ugly carpet, that is not only mismatched but also ugly and dirty!

I love my quilt rack. It is beginning to feel like home!

Our fake fireplace! We love the added feature though. Just imagine Christmas Stockings.

I found these book shelves at a shop that was in a hole in the wall, and to be completely honest not usually a store I would go in by the looks of the neighborhood and store front. But I got three of these for $90 total. Two in the living room and one in our room.

This is our memories of loved ones that have passed on.

I was trying to be artistic in my picture taking.

I was informed by my mother that not only does she have this fake plant but so does my sister. I guess we all have good taste! lol.

My new kitchen! Look at the counterspace, built in dishwasher, and cupboards!

As my mom would say, a bathroom is a bathroom. Nothing glamourous!

A computer from my mom that has many years of memories of it. Mostly of my older brother Levi using it!

My favorite feature of my new room!

Lylias head frame from the same place I got the shelves from but only for $20! Also Lylia's very played in room. it wouldn't matter if I cleaned it it would still look like this 5 minutes later!

University of Pittsburgh Through My Eyes

2011-06-22T04:35:00.000-07:00

I am going to call this section of writing, the Pitt Experience because for me that is just what it has been. It has been an experience already. I am able to ride the bus to and from work and it takes only 20 minutes at the most. And it is free, and worry free. Today although I forgot my lunch and had to decide if I should run back upstairs for it. I decided I didn't want to go hungry so decided to run up back to the apartment. The sad thing is that I totally feel, broke my toe nail completely off, scrapped my ankle and gave myself some hefty bruises. One on my knee and the other on my ankle. It is okay though because it matches all my other bruises from moving. But I sure should not have worn a skirt yesterday. I felt self conscious all day. lol Oh and I will be taking pictures of our apartment next. Baby steps! This was just move convenient to take pictures of because I have an hour lunch all to my lonesome self.

This is the address of where I work!

I really love the light fixtures at this school!

The building I work in use to be an old Masonic Temple! It is gorgeous inside!

I am surrounded by awesome buildings. This one I think I will explore today!

Okay I seriously love abstract things like this.

Hydrangeas are my new favorite flower/ plant. These are all over the place here and I love how beautiful they look!

The building next to ours. I love all the detailed stone work!

This is in the cathedral of learning. It is pretty much the coolest building ever! It reminds me of harry potter! Oh I love history!

Who doesn't love ceilings like this?!

It is just a huge room full of these gorgeous vaulted ceilings.

I'll let you enjoy these without explanation.

Outside the Cathedral of Learning.

The outside of the building I work in.

The Cathedral of Learning.

My office/ cube. It has a window... I am moving up in the world!

A beautiful church on campus.

This is one of my favorite things. It is actually a window. These are in my office so I get to enjoy these awesome windows through out the day.

The view from my window.

My Cup Runneth Over

2011-06-03T13:02:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking non stop lately about how blessed I feel right now. I wish I had my sister's beautiful way of putting my thoughts but I will try. For the past few months I have been trying so hard to be as good as I can be so that hopefully the blessings I wanted would come our way. I've been praying as much as I could remember, reading scriptures, paying tithing, and everything else that a good Mormon girl could do. And for months I have been experiencing large amounts of anxiety. But every time I would remember to pray that the anxiety would quickly go away I could feel the anxiety level become more manageable. With all of that being said the last two weeks have been so full of blessings and comfort that my cup runneth over!
First Justin and I had decided that when we moved in with our in laws that we could finally spend time focusing on an apartment, since the selling of stuff and moving stuff in a storage unit would decrease the anxiety a bit of looking for an apartment. We looked for a few days with the gracious help of my sister Jennifer. It really meant so much to me that although she was a country a way that she was able to help me in my time of need. I was really grateful for her time in doing that. We found a few places that we liked but they were either too far away, or they were very expensive. But finally through a networking friend of mine, we found the perfect one. One of our concerns about getting an apartment there was that I knew we would need employment to secure a place. This place we found we asked him if that was necessary and he told us no. Things with it just got better and better. It is really close to the school Justin will be attending, as well as an amazing park in our back yard practically. We are staying in a 2 bedroom house on the 2nd floor. We got the apartment and we could move in as soon as June 15th if we wanted, but we decided that we would stay here another month to save additional funds. I applied for nearly 30 jobs in the past month, and was getting concerned that I would not be able to get a new job as long as I was in Utah, and felt that in July we would need to move to try and get some interviews. When we decided to do this, I got an e-mail from a job I applied for at the beginning of May. I was so thrilled. I then did an interview and will find out on Monday if the job is 100% mine. Right now I am 98% sure it is mine. So we are moving on June 8th and hope to arrive on June 12th. Justin has a few interviews at some funeral homes and a few tours of day care centers for Lylia. I feel like this part that should be the most stressful is not because of the most amazing wonderful blessings our family is receiving. I am sure part of it is the medication I am taking, but I know that it is with my Heavenly Father's most tender hand that we are being led. I am thankful for days like today where it feels just good. That life is being fair and that I don't remember actually ever being able to think that I wasn't being tried. I truly am humbled right now. I hope that everything goes as well as it has been, but if not, that is what life is about and I know we can make it through it. I just wanted to say my cup runneth over and I am so grateful for it!

This is our fireplace!

The Main Staircase!

Gordon walking up the stairs! I love the stained glass!

Blessings in abundance

2011-05-25T13:43:00.000-07:00

Justin and I have been so blessed lately. I feel it is largely due to paying out tithes and praying fervently! Everything is coming together and it is wonderful reminder to me that there are some days in life that are actually just good! We found an apartment that is next to the most amazing park, and in a really nice area! I heard back about a job that I get to interview for next week. I hope it goes well but if not I know everything will work out. It is wonderful to feel like life is sweet right now. I don't have these days very often where I can say things are just good, but today I can say that. I am excited for us to start our new adventure in Pittsburgh and see what life has in store for our family of three! Congratulations to my brother who is graduating from Cornell. He deserves lots of good things! And I am happy for his family! YOU ARE DONE!!!!

Hopefully more updates in the near future with lots of fun pictures too!

THE MOST EXCITING NEWS!!!!

2011-05-17T08:17:00.000-07:00

JUSTIN GOT INTO MORTUARY SCHOOL!!!!! We are beyond thrilled!!!!! We are moving to Pittsburgh!!!!

A tribute... to those beyond the Veil...

2011-05-16T11:08:00.001-07:00

When I came to work this morning I came with expectations that I wouldn't have a moment to breath because I have appointments all day. Well I have a break, and because of this break I was able to read a dear friends blog this morning. It made me cry a number of times. I wanted to write out my thoughts in hopes that she will find this post and know that I love and care about her.
Recently she lost her brother in a tragic accident. What touched me about this story is that I have forgotten already what it feels like to loose someone so close to you that you don't know how to breath and function. I remember when my friend Tina was murdered. I found out at Seminary and I couldn't breath that day. I finally had to go to a teacher and tell him that my friend had been murdered the night before and that I would really like to go and see a counselor. He said okay, and I walked straight there and began crying until I couldn't any more. The thought of going to her funeral hurt my insides. So when the day came and I had to choose if I was going to go, I decided that I wanted to mourn on my own. Hearing about your loss McKensie, breaks my heart. I in a much smaller way know the pain you are going through. I am so sorry. I think your sweet letters to your brother truly reach Heaven, and I so wish that I could some how write something as beautiful to tribute all those beyond the veil.
Death is something that is never easy. For me it is knowing that they are still there but that I can't hug them or tell them that I love them that hurts the most. When my Great Grandpa Larson died, I remember sitting in my room at night when I would be saying my prayers and I would ask if I could talk to Great Grandpa. I then would talk to him telling him how much I loved him and missed him. Then when my Grandpa died it ached. All of the sudden I thought of a 100 things I wanted to ask him and couldn't anymore. I remember this one time when I was down at BYU I got in my car after a class, and there was Grandpa's contact card with a note on the back that said he was sorry he missed me. I cried so hard when I found that.
The other week when I was at Justin's graduation and something that Mitch Albom said made me think about how one keeps their legacy going. They keep their legacy going or in other words become eternal here on Earth by being the type of person that people keep talking about. Not the bad things, but all the wonderful things. It was really beautiful how he said it. I truly enjoyed that graduation speaker than I have ever enjoyed any speaker. I felt he was speaking to my heart. Helping me to realize what really matters in life. I keep thinking about it, and wish he knew how it moved me.
Anyway I know this just a modge podge of thoughts, but I wanted to tell my dear friend that she is loved, and so much thought of! I truly am grateful for life experiences that touch and move me!

Thinking and more thinking...

2011-04-26T10:19:00.000-07:00

So about a month ago I started taking anxiety medication. For whatever reason my body simply could not handle the amount of stress in my life on a daily basis and I would begin to hyperventilate and get close to passing out, and I started to have other health problems because of it. It was not a good way to live life! So my medication is finally helping me to feel in control of life again. I was so opposed to medications for things like that, I use to think that you could control everything and that medications were for weaklings. Well I surrender! I am thankful for medications that even if for a few months will make life manageable. I plan on stopping the medication when we are all done with our move and I have a job and life has settled down a bit. I firmly believe that prayer has the power to heal all things, but I now believe that sometimes that isn't how the answer comes. For me it was to surrender and admit that I needed something more. I am thankful that I am given weaknesses to remind me to get on my knees and pray.
Our move is coming in two weeks, and I usually have our whole apartment packed, but I actually don't. This is how I know the medicine is helping. lol. I finally don't think of a hundred things at once, and I am not over ocd about things! Is this how everyone else feels all the time?! I love it! Well anyway I don't have anything deep to talk about just that life is good today!
I have a hundred things to do, and a few things to worry about, but I have decided that I am just not going to worry about it until Justin is finished with his finals next week and can ask for help. Me asking for help is like showing my heart on my sleeve. It just doesn't happen. lol. But for this move and big change, Justin is my one steady thing that reminds me all the time that it will be okay, and that it will work out because it is what we are supposed to do.
We are looking forward to finding out about school hopefully next week! I am also working on a new project for Lylia's birthday. There are these cute princess dress up things at her day care and she loves them. I decided to try and make one. We shall see. This is my first creative project without a pattern. I am nervous about the outcome, but I think it will work out!
Well I think that is all that is on my mind. Thank goodness it isn't a list of about 50 things, because trust me it could be!

Memories!

2011-04-19T09:42:00.000-07:00

So I hardly ever really write on my blog any more because I usually do it when I am not busy at work, which means I don't have pictures here to post on it also. Well I was sitting looking at my facebook pictures today and so many memories came back to me. But most of the ones that I was thinking about were when Justin was on his mission in England. These memories are good but really make me love Justin so much more! I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and cuddle extra close and cry because how much I missed him. It still affects me to this day! To me it is a bit funny how it still affects me to this day.
I was thinking about this and how through out my life different memories affect me at different times. I really think this is a way Heavenly Father helps me to remember the lessons I once learned, to help me with the right here and now.
For a long time my parents divorce crippled me. It was often what would keep my up crying at night... Then something else came along that affected me more. Like meeting Justin to only have him leave me. Or when my grandpa passed away. Although I am excited for Justin to become a funeral director, I can't help but still be who I am, and be sad that we will have loss in our lives on daily basis. I know that with the knowledge of the gospel that we should be okay with death, and that is not the part I struggle with, but more so the saying good bye for a time part!
I would be devastated if I ever lost a family member, or if anything ever happened to my Lylia or Justin. I am afraid just as everything goes right, that everything will come crashing down, and I guess that is why I feel anxious these days. We are finally getting to the end of school. In two weeks we will know 100% sure if we are into mortuary school, and then just one year of school! Things are finally coming to pass that we have been waiting for, for a few years now. We are excited to grow our family, and in a sense feel a little more in control of our lives. The day that we are where we are going to be for sometime will truly bring tears to my eyes.
When we go through difficult times it is hard to know why you are supposed to go through it. Why did I move out to Utah if not to get an education? Well because I was supposed to meet my eternal love Justin. Why have my dad leave our family? So that I could have a wonderful step dad! Why not have a baby when I want too? To love the one that I do have! Why be in school for so long and have so much debt? To appreciate the small things! Why have health problems? To have empathy for those who have it worse, and to appreciate the healthy days! Why have friends who stop being friends? To meet more of God's children. Why work all day long when I'd rather be at home? To learn the value of work, and education, and to enjoy the time I do have at home.
I am glad that today I have this out look because when we go through so many difficulties it is hard to remember the good things in life. The other day I was feeling particularly sad, and Justin said lets think of all the good things in our lives. I couldn't think of one. I regret having those thoughts. I am just thankful that today I can listen to music and write out my thoughts. I am thankful that today my back doesn't hurt. And today I am glad that when I woke up I was snuggled next to a sweet little girl that said, "kiss please?"

How I met my love!

2011-04-11T15:11:00.001-07:00

So my sister the other day wrote this amazing blog post about how she met her husband. I guess I think it amazing because well she has such talent for writing, and I learned stuff I hadn't know about their meeting. I look forward to the proposal story she promised. Well I decided to follow in her footsteps and talk about how I met my love.
It started nearly 7 years ago this August! I was in my apartment with my roommates I had just recently met with some guy came in and sat down and told us he was our FHE dad. He introduced himself as Tattoo. I was most excited to meet so many guys who were LDS. So anyway, he left. That was the first time I met Tattoo. The second time I met him was at Institute. He waved to me, and I couldn't remember where I knew him from. He came over to me after words though and was being very nice. I remember he got up and conducted the music and he was very enthusiastic about it, and I thought that was a bit nerdy. lol. The next time was at FHE evening. He seemed really nice but we had a FHE ma and figured they must be dating, so I didn't think much of him. Well my roommates and I went to a munch and mingle and we met again and chatted on the couch for sometime. Well then my roommates went to a dance about a month later, and he was there, and since we were good friends with his apartment it was natural for us to chat. He asked me to dance and I felt so special. While we danced I was so nervous and told him that we should go Latin dancing because my sister had allowed me to go with her to a latin dance the weekend before and it was a blast. He said that he would like that but I thought he is just being nice. Well after that dance he asked my roommate Amanda to dance. I remember he made a joke with her and I thought for sure that he didn't like me. We hung out off and on for the rest of the night.
The next day I was at my sister's apartment and she was like, "Who was that guy following you around last night?" I said who. And then went, "Oh his name is Tattoo. He is just a friend." But secretly inside I was thinking he did hang out with me a lot, but it is too good to be true. Guys don't usually like me like that. Well anyway I went over to his apartment later that same day and while we were chatting he asked me when we were going to go Latin Dancing. I said well I think there is a dance this Friday on Campus. He said great lets go. I was totally shocked he wanted to go and that it wasn't just a line he had said while dancing.
So we went to Friday night live with some roommates and it was so much fun. We went and danced and walked around and did fencing and video games, and watched some dance troops. I felt like I belonged at BYU then. It really was the best night! And I wasn't nervous at all. I was able to be my self, and I was so surprised about that.
A week or so later it was time to ask for Preference. So I decided to ask Justin. I printed on a white t-shirt Justin will you go to Preference with me? and then went and sat in his apartment with my roommates. He was called in by another roommate, and he came out and did a double take and didn't say anything. lol. Finally Chris his brother said, "This is when you smile and say yes." He said yes. We then went to preference and had a great time. I remember one time during the date I was taking my shoes off, and a slow song came on, and I was making my way back to our group when I saw him running towards me, and then he said "I want to dance with you." I remember feeling so special. Later that same night we had a bonfire up in the canyon and we laid down and stared at the stars and talked about Spiritual Things. It was the first time I could be myself that way. It was so nice. He talked about his mom, and we talked about previous relationships. It was the start to something great!
I still didn't know by this point if he really liked me, so after probing his brother I decided to try and show him I liked him. I packed up a back pack with his favorite treats, Root Beer and Butterfingers, and my favorite treat, and prayed that I would find him at his normal studying place that he had mentioned to me once. So I ran up to campus hoping that he would be there. I went down the stairs wanting to surprise him. I came up behind him and put my hands over his eyes, and said, "Guess who?" He smiled so big and turned towards me, and he was so surprised. I asked him if he could take a break and go outside with me. He said sure and packed up his stuff right away. We got outside and we sat on the benches just north of the library. It was dark and there weren't very many people on campus. I opened my back pack and handed him his favorite treats. He was so surprised I remembered. We had an awkward moment when Justin asked me, "Why do you like me?" I wanted him to know but I didn't realize I was being that obvious. lol. I waited for a second and then told him it was because I could be myself around him, and he made me laugh, and he was such a good person. He then said, "I like you too." Boy was I relieved. I then decided to put my hand on my knee trying to prompt him to hold it. He starts laughing, and I was like, "What?" He said, "Nothing." He kept saying it over and over again. So finally I said, "You don't have to tell me but I would really like if you would." I then said, "Can I hold your hand?" He said "Sshhh. I am supposed to ask." He then said, "Oh it is cold out here. Are your hands cold? I said yes (totally lying) and he said I think there is something I can do about that." He then held my hand. We spent the rest of the night holding hands, and he kept saying to me, "I can't believe I am the lucky one that gets to hold your hand." I felt so special. From there on, we had special moments all the time. I just knew there was something different about him. I knew very early on that I really liked him.
Then one night while on a swing we started talking about marriage. This wasn't normal because he was pre mish, but at the same time it felt totally normal. It was weird. It was then that I knew I had met my love! And nearly 7 years later, it was the best decision I have ever made! He is truly my best friend. He makes me laugh, and I am 100% myself with him, good and bad, and he makes me giddy! I am thankful for a loving Father in Heaven who blessed me with Justin from the very beginning! I know now how much Heavenly Father knows me. He sent me this great guy that he knew I would wait for, and truly those 2 years he was on his mission truly was 2 years I was on my own mission of discovering who I am. I am thankful that I had my love every step of the way! I wouldn't have traded those many tears for anything. We grew together when others thought we'd grow apart. That just goes to show that our love is something stronger and lovelier than anything! I love you my sweet Justin! You are the greatest thing!

Oh and Justin's nickname was Tattoo not because he has an Eagle Tattoo on his back like his roommate joey suggested but rather because he was the second Tate in his apartment.

Rock Paper Scissors Shoot

2011-03-24T16:49:00.000-07:00

So Justin has been my life saver lately. For some reason my body is experiencing so much more stress than it is use to. Because of this I cry on a normal basis, and I have things happening to my body that aren't healthy or normal. Justin has learned some good things that have put a smile on my face when I didn't think it was possible. Yesterday before work he danced with me. I of coarse cried the whole time and then the weight of my worries drifted away in the lyrics of the song. Well again today I was feeling sad for a number of stressful reasons.
Today it was for a few reasons. As some of you know Justin and I have been wanting another baby, but we just haven't gotten an answer either way. Well even if we could we haven't been blessed with a baby yet, and watching friends of mine have babies still hurts. It reminds me of everything that I can't have right now. We have had this back and forth on that topic alone as is it the right time, or sometimes do you just do it because you'll never have life put in the perfect line. Well anyway what will happen will happen.
The other reason is because work has been so stressful lately. All of the responsibility lies on me, and because I trust myself I know it will get done, but at what cost. Well my health. I am anxious about everything. I worry that I am forgetting about just that one student. And so all of their stresses become my stresses.
The other reason is because I don't have enough hours in the day to get it all done. I want to sew, I want to play with Lylia, I want to just not worry about everything. Justin's dad says, "Don't worry be happy." and I seriously have been trying to not worry about things that I don't have control over, but doing that is not as easily done as it is said.
Well Justin today while on the phone was able to put such a big smile on my face. Rock, paper, scissors shoot! I never knew it could make me laugh out loud. I am thankful to a sweet supportive husband who tries to remind me that it will all work out. That faith is not easy. I am just trying to show Heavenly Father that I want this so badly. I want to be able to move on with life a little. School is not glorious life, but rather the way to a better life.
After talking to a dear friend at work today, I realized that we all have things that we worry about. For some it is about what they will make for dinner, for others it is about putting things in just the right place, and for me it is about everything. LOL. But truly talking to her was much needed therapy. She helped me put things in perspective. I was talking to her about my relationship with Heavenly Father, and she is not a member of the same church I am, and so we were talking about Heavenly Father as our Heavenly Father, and it was so wonderful! I was talking to her like I knew she had a relationship with him, and how he knows me, and then she started talking about her relationship with Heavenly Father. It was a very sweet conversation. We although have very different lives, (she has a partner) and I have a husband, we were able to talk about our Father in Heaven. It really just made me happy to think we are all in this together. Whether we go to the same church. I don't know if that makes sense, but I just really needed that conversation. It was funny to hear how she felt Heavenly Father knew her and how I felt he knew my qwarks. Heavenly Father felt very near today. It was a good reminder that when things get tough and when they don't that we need to just go to him. I more than anything just wanted to go and pray to him. I felt at that moment that he could help my anxiety disappear, and I wish I hadn't forgotten that. Thank goodness for that!
I am tired of feeling sick all the time. I finally see the answer was in what I was always told to do all along, which was read my scriptures and say my prayers.

I have many things to be thankful for. Heavenly Father, my husband, my daughter, my job, dancing, my family, and rock paper and scissors!

Justin's Birthday!

2011-02-27T18:43:00.000-08:00

Hee Haw!!! That is right this year the theme to Justin's birthday party was Western. Due to the fact that for one of this presents this year, I gave him Little House on the Prairie, which he has been asking me to get from netflix and watch with him for such a long time! He was actually thrilled about it. We love tv series as you know. We had fun going to Texas Roadhouse for dinner, and Justin was made to sit on the saddle! it was fun! We then came home for cake with Justin's family and our two best friends Molly and Byron. It really was so much fun. Jennifer commented to me on the phone that she is surprised I lasted as long as I did giving Justin's his birthday presents. I laughed and told her that he had actually gotten a present a day for a week leading up to his birthday. I am kind of a gift giver and live for Birthday's and holidays! He is know 25 and we are again the same age! Happy Birthday ducky!

Contemplative

2011-02-10T11:06:00.001-08:00

Last night Lylia woke up several times with a high fever and sore tummy. Justin and I went to bed late watching Project Runway, and well I wish we hadn't. lol. I am so tired, and maybe that is why I am contemplative today. I am taking things a bit slower today that I usually do. Usually on the days I work from 11 am to 8 pm I try and get as much laundry done, cleaning done and grocery shopping done that I can because I don't have time any other day. But this morning we all slept in as long as we could since being sleep deprived most of the night. Then we sat had breakfast and snuggled. I am not sure why it meant so much to me this morning more than any other morning, but it is nice to not have to worry about the other stuff just because my sick baby meant more to me. My sister has been very sick with a very sick little baby, and while driving to work this morning, I couldn't help but think of her. Last summer my sister moved to South Carolina, and today I miss her more than ever. I remember hugging her and saying good bye not sure when I'd see her again. My hope was to move back east and we could see each other at holiday's and have weekend trips together, and maybe that might happen this year! I love my family. I love my mom and my sister. I really wish we all could live close together, because with each passing day I miss home more and more. In looking at mortuary schools people ask us why we want to go back east, and I can't help but be selfish and say it is because I miss home. I have missed home ever since I left. I never thought I would simply for the fact I am independent by nature. But there is nothing better than quilt days with mom, and play days with Jennifer, and car trips with Bryan. I miss my family. My grandpa is a tender topic to me, and whenever I think of him I feel him drawing me closer to my family. I thank him for that. I have this Genealogy book I was reading for a class one time when we went to go visit he and grandmother, and he picked it up and began to read it, and started asking me questions about genealogy. I sat down and we chatted about genealogy, and I was surprised he was asking me all of the questions, because I felt like he was more of the professional than I was. My grandpa and I had genealogy in common, and I guess that is why I so badly wanted to be a Genealogist. I wanted Grandpa and I to have that special connection. And I really think we do. When I work on my genealogy or go to the temple, I always feel him so close. I know it sounds weird to say, but I know he is my guardian angel sometimes.
I am thankful for sleepless nights so then I take life a little bit slower the day after, so then I can have more contemplative moments. A sweet tender mercy!

Christmas!

2011-01-30T16:21:00.000-08:00

I know a month late! We went to California to see my dad and Janet, and we had such a wonderful time. We went to the most amazing Christmas Tree lights, and had puppet shows, and saw family. I haven't had such a fun Christmas in years!

At the festival of Lights!

The stockings were hung with care!

Lylia decorating the tree!

At the Christmas Lights!

Dad teaching us about melting metal. I think. Sorry dad!

Our apartment all decorated!

Christmas lights!

Lylia getting her jammies on Christmas Eve!

Lylia on the airplane.

The puppet show!

Christmas day!

Lylia opening a present!

Another week done!

2011-01-30T16:13:00.000-08:00

So life has been same old same old. Just trying to survive our ever busy schedules, and then on top of it to add a sick little girl. We made it out alive and kicking, with maybe a mild cough. We had a lesson at church today which was about how we need to not be offended and how we should not offend others. I can't say that Justin or I are perfect at this, but it really gave us encouragement to look the other way when people make comments about our family size, or that I work and Lylia's in daycare. I am going to try and have more patience and understanding that not everyone comes from the same spot in life. More than anything I was remembering a seminary teacher who taught by serving. She use to talk with me for hours and let me cry just because I needed to. She never judged and was always there to discipline when needed and to love when needed also! Here are some pictures that are pretty random from the past little bit! Enjoy!

Each life that touches ours for good

2011-01-14T13:55:00.000-08:00

This hymn came into my mind the other day when I was meeting with a student. At the end of the appointment I asked him a question, and I could feel the spirit so strongly that I began to cry in my appointment. I truly love moments like this! I will share with you a short version of his story, but I hope it will touch you like it touched me the other day.

His name is Nei Thang, and he is a refugee from Myanmar. He came here in May of last year after a terrible ordeal that lasted longer than 2 years and is still going on. Starting at the end is easier than starting at the beginning. He came into my office the other day seeking the American Dream; an education and religious freedom. I sit with students for nearly 2 hours and we talk about everything financial. These appointments are hard to not get personal but this one I couldn't help but get attached to. Nei came from a country whose government has powerful control over the people in his country. Through tyranny people are made to believe Buddhist beliefs. His family however secretly practices baptist beliefs. His family is the host to many other Christian families in that area that wish to spread the great news of a Savior named Jesus Christ. Nei's sister is their local leader and they believe their lives are to bring news of Jesus Christ to others in their country. One day while at his sister's house with his siblings news came from a close family member that his parents who had decided to stay home that night had been arrested. They were told that one of their neighbors had told the police that they were practicing Christian beliefs and the police came to arrest his sister but could not find her so instead they arrested his parents. All of the sudden at the age of 16 he and his other siblings had to flee the town in fear of being arrested also. They knew they could not remain in the country so they fled to Malaysia. After finally getting something from the UN they were allowed to come here to Salt Lake City as refugees. He has been earnestly trying to help support his family by working. He really wants to do better for himself and his family and has decided to go to school. That is how we met! I asked him if he had spoken to his parents since that day and he said, "I try not to think about it, but I don't think I will ever hear from my parents again." It broke my heart. I wanted so badly to be able to do something for his family. His parents are in prison in Myanmar and there is nothing he can do to talk to them or help them. It is people like Nei that help me to realize and put into perspective how wonderful my life here in the United States is.

I was doing some reading a week ago for a class and it was on how this generation has lost the appreciation of what this country was built upon. I couldn't agree more. If we loved our Country as our forefathers did, then why do we have such conflict in our Congress. It really saddens me to see how our government works together. I really wish that someday if given the chance that I could be apart of the government process and help re-instill these thoughts with people. Our Country once believed in God, and yes our Country is now afraid to. I wish that every one could love our Country as I do. I don't think you have to be military or military family member to be able to claim you love it the most. I love the servicemen who sacrifice everything to defend it, but it is the people who believe these things that they are protecting.

Anyway I am thankful to be here and have a family that I can talk to whenever I want. I am thankful to not be afraid to practice what I believe. I am thankful that I was brought up in Maryland where my appreciation of our Country came from. I thank my mom for sacrificing so that I could go on field trips to Philadelphia, or DC or Gettysburg. I refuse to forget what was lost so that I could gain something more! I am thankful for each life that touches MINE for good!

Each life that touches ours for good
Reflects thine own great mercy, Lord;
Thou sendest blessings from above
Thru words and deeds of those who love.

What greater gift dost thou bestow,
What greater goodness can we know
Than Christlike friends, whose gentle ways
Strengthen our faith, enrich our days.

When such a friend from us departs,
We hold forever in our hearts
A sweet and hallowed memory,
Bringing us nearer, Lord, to thee.

For worthy friends whose lives proclaim
Devotion to the Savior’s name,
Who bless our days with peace and love,
We praise thy goodness, Lord, above.

Contemplation

2011-01-12T11:15:00.000-08:00

For whatever reason today I have been on the verge of crying multiple times. Today is not a good day for me. I am not sure why but I feel worn out by life today. I feel like I need to have a good long cry about just about anything. Have you ever had days where you just feel so emotional and not exactly sure why? Well that is me today. Today has been emotional and I don't think I can remember feeling this way without knowing why. Just had to write it out.